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9 Feb 2008

Post Number 12:Other Inmates

I am getting one or two messages saying that I sound a bit fed up in this, that is because, sadlyI am – Despite the fact that I’m getting on fine with the staff and day by day I am appreciating more and more how beautiful (as people OK) Nicole and Toni are I am still utterly fed up with the TLU, primarily because I’ve been here so long but also I have so little in common with the other inmates. For example one of them is the stereotype of all that I despise( having lived in Brixton). A former crack dealing yardie gangster. All he does is boast about how much money he has and the designer stuff he used to buy. Just yesterday we had lunch outside and it was pretty sunny so I elected to wear my ‘cheap as chips’ shades that I happen to like because I think they suit me. Yardie boy complemented me on my shades.He then proceeded to say loudly that he used to have Gucci shades, it was all I could do to stop myself saying. ‘who cares about the brand, as long as you think they suit you. He doesn’t care about that. I ask myself if I’m being intolerant or unfair and then I’m reminded I’m not when he comes round the corner blaring indescribably bad ‘Gangsta Rap’ out of his mobile. He does this a lot. I also get wound up when his gangster mates come and visit him and sit around the kitchen table and talk about guns and cars.Every phrase is ended with the yardieism ‘you get me’ .I am also fed up with being ‘cuz’ or ‘blood’. There is also another guy with an extremely loud voice. To be honest I don’t understand a word he says. He sounds like an Irish drunk. This might be a little harsh of me because his brain injury might partly be responsible for his incomprehension. I don’t doubt that he used to be a drunk though because he’s desperate for any alcoholic drink. I just wish he’d turn the volume down. There are three more people here, Two of whom can’t speak ( don’t get me wrong I can’t even begin to imagine how frustrating life can be for them) and one other guy who is at least intelligent but because his big passion is Chelsea FC,I have less than nothing to say to him. There was also until recently this Turkish guy whose speciality was making people feel uncomfortable by staring at them or a particular favourite of his was staring threateningly at your food and occasionally making grabs for it. I used to joke to myself that his disability was either his personality or his burgeoning weight. I say this becauseit seemed his only friend was food. I say this because during his time at the TLU all he did was get fatter and fatter. I never saw him do one ounce of rehab, all he did was eat and sleep ,occasionally refuse to shower so he stank and issue orders to the staff without so much as a please and never athankyou.. brain injury or not, what a horrible man, so it’s small wonder I’m fed up having to live in such close proximity to people like this and few opportunities to unload any of this and often I am too tired to articulate any of this. Oh dear, this post sounds terribly negative. I find it so hard to be positive, obviously feeling lucky to be alive only lasts so long…

1 comment:

nilo said...

There are just some days when the negativity is overwhelming. Believe me, I get that. Your blog is the place to get that out. I hope you've learned that. I'm reading you from the beginning, so I'm assuming you've learned this.

I'm going through my own personal firewalk and I recently had someone I consider(ed) a friend say, "What are you doing to make yourself happy?"

I swear, if we hadn't been on the phone, I might have tried to thumb out his eyes. It's not like I'm struggling with the occasional road rage, here, you know?!?! So believe me, I get being negative sometimes. Roll with it.

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