- Post Number 21: The first becomeone fundraiser
- Post number 22: The start of feeling distraught at...
- Post 23: Sadness (cond) at losing Tash
- Post number24: Passing my driving test (again)
- Post number 25: What to do for my 31st
- Post number 26: Peter and Imogen Lee to the rescue...
- Post number 27: 'Missing the Boat'
- Post number 28: Introducing inspirational Carlie
- Post number 29: Extreme jealousy
- Post number 30: NHS Communication (or lack thereof...
- Post number 31: Bad vs Good things for the first t...
- Post number 32: A bit of a blur’,the autobiography...
- Post number 33: Helena Christiansen and a 'concret...
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18 Mar 2008
Post number 27: 'Missing the Boat'
I have really been agonising over the subject matter of this next missive. For starters I think it might be a glimpse too far into how tortured my soul actually is and it might scare people off me but those are risks I’ll just have to bear because it is so important that this blog is as honest as possible. Sort of perverse integrity. The subject today is ’missing the boat’ and was brought on by an email I received last night from an ex telling me she had just got engaged. At this stage I want to point out that feelings of ‘missing the boat’ have been bubbling around near the surface for the last year. In my life, I have been in love four times (which I believe to be quite a few), I have basically lost touch with the first, the second is happily married, the third just got engaged and the fourth just met someone else. Now, it isn’t so much that I thought I might have another chance with number three it is just that I can’t ever imagine being in that position. Tash, who was a little older than me always used to complain about potentially ‘missing the boat’ because lots of both of our groups of friends are ‘sorted’ and even having kids. I used to say to try and make things better ‘it’s fine, you still look like you’re 25’. This may be true but it’s a very male way of looking at things. I should have realised what I had in my late 20s , now since my stroke and a few years down the line I know it’s a chance I’ll never get again, I feel like such a stupid fool now, perhaps a young naïve idiot. I now realise that there is nothing more important in life and the main reason I’m so sad now is that in future I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of finding that sort of love ever again because love isn’t something that just happens – you have to invest time and energy making it work, two things I feel I no longer have. My advice to blokes who think that they’ve found love, look long and hard at the person you’re with and try to imagine life without them, you never know what misfortune lurks around the next corner I apologise for the downbeat, introspective, serious and unhumerous nature of this post. I feel like crap today and I’m a little scared how this will be received. Hopefully things will look up when I move into my new house.