4 Jul 2008

Post 53: 'Making the effort'

The subject of todays post is 'making the effort' and was brought on by an outing yesterday to Henley rowing regatta, something that I'm interested in because at college being one of the bigger people I rowed fairly seriously for my college, there was no way I was insane enough to train and try and get in one of the university crews, training just for the college crew was hard enough!Anyway, in my family we have always been taught that there is nothing more important than 'making the effort' and being enthusiastic about doing things particularly when people have gone out of their way for you – because if you are not enthusiastic people may not bother to do it again. This is sound advice, in fact I can actually hear my mother say it in that far too loud home counties voice of hers.
This has left me in an awkward position because since my stroke I don't really want to do anything because everything is such hard work, often all I want to do is curl up in a ball and die. Everything is now so hard: Holding my head up; talking; keeping my eyes open; seeing;thinking; living; being and I can't stand it! All day outings (like yesterdays to Henley) are a case in point – I am convinced that I look and sound awful despite some encouraging words to the contrary from friends and family. I think this because I always feel awful and never seem to feel any better and I am most scared of getting more tired and feeling even worse which can be caused by spending all day at somewhere like Henley.
Now, I have a fundamental problem with Henley. Here it is. Now, if I may just qualify something, throughout my previous life I have constantly had the piss ripped out of me for being 'a bit posh'. This is fair enough given my educational background although I reckon my stroke has robbed me of any latent 'pluminess' or maybe it's made it worse? But speaking as someone 'a bit posh', there's one thing I can't stand,'Toffs'. Now a Toff is a posh person who actively tries to be Posher and stares down their noses at anyone who is not at least as posh as them. David Cameron is a toff. I hate him. That's the reason I have a fundamental problem with Henley, it's full of toffs and I don't understand what a bunch of chinless wonders swigging Pimms and Champagne by the bucketload has to do with a bunch of lycra-clad 13-17st athletic thugs putting themselves through some of the worst pain they're ever likely to experience. To me, the whole thing makes as much sense as Amy Winehouse taking the local AA meeting on a pub-crawl. So, take this feeling and add it to my general post-stroke feeling of malaise and you can probably see why I was less than enthusiastic about going yesterday. In the end I'm glad I did go, because my dad, once a rather good rower, loved it and I think me making the effort to go made his day plus on a beautiful day there are fewer nicer places to be, as nonsensical an event as Henley is.


Anonymous said...

99% pluminess removed i reckon :p

Dom P said...

whythangyew :-)



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