1 Aug 2008

Post 60: The agency sends a new (clueless) carer every day!

Another difficult week I'm afraid and I can pinpoint the reason. Unfortunately my wonderful regular carer, who comes in in the morning has been off sick. The poor girl not only has to contend with me in the mornings (usually when I'm at my worst) but she's also pregnant, which caused her to faint last friday, so the poor girl has been signed off sick this week. The knock on effect for me has been that the agency has sent in a different carer every morning, This is a nightmare, they all arrive at different times, none of them know where anything is, none of them know me, none of them know how I like things to be done and none of them seems to understand that I am trying to keep costs down and being as independent as possible by having them stay here for as short a time as possible. To be clear, I have nothing against any of them individually, they are just doing their jobs but what I really hate is this feeling that I'm being unreasonable, I know that they're trying to help but since my stroke I have gotten rather particular about silly little things which I would be able to deal with in the blink of an eye in the old world. Things like: How I like my tea; which cup to put it in because it's the easiest to hold and it's not too hot to the touch etc;how and where my clothes are put on the bed for me to get changed into; how much assistance I require washing and dressing ; individually these are all pathetic little things but together they make up all I think about every morning and if they are different every morning I start that day badly and it's small wonder that it impacts into making it a dreadful week. This is such a shame because I've had some lovely visits and messages this week and some good friends of mine are putting on a party to raise money for me this Saturday which prompted me to send out this rather gushing message to all the members of the trust on facebook (apologies if you've seen this before, as you may have noticed I quite like reproducing things that don't require painstaking typing)
'I was just looking through the trust membership on facebook and I was really humbled and moved by the fact that so many people from so many walks of life have taken the time to say to themselves 'I give a toss'. Just that little gesture makes all the difference to me because knowing there's a large group of people that give a toss helps me get out of bed in the morning (which is no picnic), do my awful exercises and face up to what is left. I wish I could say that things are getting easier and this could be a happy go lucky message. Sadly, it's not that simple but it does make a difference to know there are real people behind every name on this list.
Now, enough of the melodramatic and sentimental stuff, the main reason I write to you all today (if you haven't been reminded already – you probably already have but because of my lack of tech savvy and decent sight) I want to draw everyones attention to a party that some good friends of mine ( Shaun Rowland and Simon Winstanley and a few others) are putting on for me this saturday (2/8) at Inigo in Clapham to raise much needed capital for my continued grueling rehab. Sadly, it appears that to get any real therapy once you've left hospital you have to pay for it and it's not affordable which is why (thank god) the trust exists. If it didn't I have little doubt I'd be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Anyway, that's plenty from me. I promise to be more cheery on Saturday.'
Well, that was me on Thursday. Rereading that makes me realise how changeable my mood has become since my stroke. In the old world it was much more constant which demonstrates to me how much your state of mind is linked to certainty about the future. I used to think I had it all figured out, now I know nothing,let me tell you. Ignorance is not bliss!Apologies if this is a bit downbeat. Lets hope the fundraiser is suitably restorative.


Anonymous said...

The fund raiser will be awesome. FACT! END OF.

Mernie said...

Yeah, it's going to be great! Looking forward to seeing you there Dom xx



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