- Post 60: The agency sends a new (clueless) carer e...
- Post 61: the 2nd becomeone fundraiser
- Post 62: Having to rest
- Post 63: Always feeling inferior to others
- Post 64: Dads 72nd birthday in Sevenoaks
- Post 65: Getting stuck in a lift
- Post 66: The SW4 Music Festival
- Post 67: Never actually feeling any better
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13 Aug 2008
Post 63: Always feeling inferior to others
One of the things that I am finding so hard about this is never feeling like anyones equal. It's simple stuff like being able to talk to my housemates on the same level or nip out for a quick pint and chat with them just on spec without having to plan it with military precision. The same is true of my friends and family. For the foreseeable future everybody I come into contact with is going to have to make some sort of allowance for me. I'm grateful that people do but I hate that people have too. I hate being a high maintenance person. People don't have limitless time and patience, people are busy, especially in london, and have finite time to deal with their own problems. Sure, in the short term people are willing to set aside some of their precious time and energy but I feel as though I've got a long-term problem here and call it what you want, I prefer the term 'charity fatigue' because that is often how I feel, a charity case, which is tough to come to terms with when I used to pride myself on my self sufficiency and independence, don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to every kindness, allowance and act of charity that has been shown to me, be it the nurse who gave me that extra blanket, the friend who has run a marathon to raise money for the trust, the person I haven't seen for years who's come to see me, the friend who's made me laugh.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm terrified of losing all this because I feel I've lost such a lot of myself in the blink of an eye. I'm already seeing evidence of 'charity fatigue'. Certainly less people are coming to see me, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with where I'm now located even though I think it's as easy and inexpensive to get to as the hospital in Putney ever was, in my opinion but what would I know? It's not like I'm the one who's ever had to make the journey, not that I could! Also I think these are nicer environs than the hospital, at least I think so, I certainly hope so although I'll obviously do my best to trash the place. My housemates are far too tidy to ever let me make a mess. I hope this gives people a pretty good idea of what is keeping me awake at night at the moment apart from my latest addittion,Pickle, the psycho kitten. :-)
While I'm here,after my rant in the last post about mobile phones, I've finally got my act together and found one for partially sighted people courtesy of the RNIB shop. A giant brick of a thing it is, but my days of liking miniature gadgets are behind me. My number is the same but email is still the best way to contact me.