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13 Aug 2008

Post 63: Always feeling inferior to others


One of the things that I am finding so hard about this is never feeling like anyones equal. It's simple stuff like being able to talk to my housemates on the same level or nip out for a quick pint and chat with them just on spec without having to plan it with military precision. The same is true of my friends and family. For the foreseeable future everybody I come into contact with is going to have to make some sort of allowance for me. I'm grateful that people do but I hate that people have too. I hate being a high maintenance person. People don't have limitless time and patience, people are busy, especially in london, and have finite time to deal with their own problems. Sure, in the short term people are willing to set aside some of their precious time and energy but I feel as though I've got a long-term problem here and call it what you want, I prefer the term 'charity fatigue' because that is often how I feel, a charity case, which is tough to come to terms with when I used to pride myself on my self sufficiency and independence, don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to every kindness, allowance and act of charity that has been shown to me, be it the nurse who gave me that extra blanket, the friend who has run a marathon to raise money for the trust, the person I haven't seen for years who's come to see me, the friend who's made me laugh.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm terrified of losing all this because I feel I've lost such a lot of myself in the blink of an eye. I'm already seeing evidence of 'charity fatigue'. Certainly less people are coming to see me, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with where I'm now located even though I think it's as easy and inexpensive to get to as the hospital in Putney ever was, in my opinion but what would I know? It's not like I'm the one who's ever had to make the journey, not that I could! Also I think these are nicer environs than the hospital, at least I think so, I certainly hope so although I'll obviously do my best to trash the place. My housemates are far too tidy to ever let me make a mess. I hope this gives people a pretty good idea of what is keeping me awake at night at the moment apart from my latest addittion,Pickle, the psycho kitten. :-)
While I'm here,after my rant in the last post about mobile phones, I've finally got my act together and found one for partially sighted people courtesy of the RNIB shop. A giant brick of a thing it is, but my days of liking miniature gadgets are behind me. My number is the same but email is still the best way to contact me.

3 comments:

Take Brave Steps With RG said...

Keep the Faith.... I am a survivor of a nearly fatal stroke. Following my recovery, my family and I struggled with the mental, emotional and social aspects of post stroke life. We found information and help on these issues difficult to find. I decided to help other survivors and loved ones by wriring a bok titled, "Take Brave Steps for Stroke Survivors and Families - A Message of Motivation and Hope." I saher along with the input of my wife and daughter how we faced fears and adversities and what we did to overcome them. I also used my background as a motivational speaker and trainer to introduce to the book my "Take Brave Steps Process", which contains self reflections, exercises, tips and a dialog for family discussion. If you would like more information, I would like to invite you to my web site http://www.takebravesteps.com
You can request a free download of chapter 0ne as well as other free motivational articles. If you would like to order the book you can also get it on my web site.

If you would like a review of the book from the International CEnter for Disability Recources on the Internet you can go to http://icdri.org and click on the Take Brave Steps review. I also suggest that you contact the National Stroke Association. Theie web site is http://stroke.org . You can sign up for their magazine and get other helpful information.I ma in the process of joining an online community for people with disabilities. The address is http://disaboom.com I am going to set up a profile and blog. I suggest you consider looking at their community of posts and helpful information. You are not alone.

I urge you to stay as positive as possible. a positive mental attitude can be a very powerful tool for you and it is something that you must practice and keep at it. I also found it helpful to focus on what I have and bot on what I have lost. I hope this is of encouragement to you. My personal goal is to help the millions of survivors and families that continue to struggle with the aftermath of a life altering illness. I appreciate your hel pin getting my positive message of motivation abd hope to as many perole as you can. Best wishes in your continued road to recovert and wellness.
RG
Take Brave Steps with RG
www.takebravesteps.com

Simon said...

A very good suggestion in Dom speaking to the Stroke association to see what help they can offer in both the physical and psychological side of recovery.

Maybe silly of me, but i has assumed that the Stroke association had already been contacted. Have they Dom?

Dom P said...

Thankyou both for those helpful comments. I will do my utmost to follow them up. I wish reading were easier... I have only briefly been in touch with the stroke association. I will persevere. I wish staying positive was easy.

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