17 Sep 2008

Post 74: My Sister is unwell

My sister who I spoke to the other day said that postimg pictures is making me post happier stuff, it is pure coincidence if this post is less upbeat and there is no picture. Actually my sister is not well at the moment, she's in hospital in the US but hopefully it sounds like it can be dealt with despite it never being nice having to go into hospital, take it from someone who knows! Anyway, I hope she gets better soon. I had a thought last night, the moment I find someone will be the moment I stop writing this rubbish, I hear a collective sigh of potential relief but be warned when/if could be a long way off but as an attempt at speeding this up I have been conducting a bit of an experiment: In the last few weeks I have been trying out those dating websites. I have been completely honest about my situation and to be honest my worst fears have been realised. Blokes in wheelchairs are not what women want, It's obviously too soon for anything to have happened but the silence from the original mails I sent speaks volumes, no-one wants a disabled person. At least with girls I know they know what I was like and know a little bit of how I've handled this but there's a problem here too, which is the same problem that eats me up on a daily basis, is that I compare myself now to what I was like as an able-bodied person and the comparison always leaves me cold and filled with self-loathing. I have been told (repeatedly) that this comparison is not useful but it's the only one I can make because I may have come a long way from when I looked like being a vegetable in the Casualty of Charing Cross Hospital but I can't remember that, it's probably just as well I don't. Even things like independent
transferring between my bed and wheelchair as opposed to being mechanically hoisted by a third party don't feel like useful achievements because the distance that I need to go is so small. I hate being this way and I haven't even mentioned how tired I feel! Oh,on top of all this I got stuck in the lift at Natalie's clinic again today... It never rains...... Apologies if this post is a bit depressing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What is it with that lift!! I also agree with your sister about photos usually making the posts happier.!!

I know it is hard, but you do have photos such as the one you posted to show you how far you have come. That said, i still prefer the time when you couldn't talk, therefore abuse me :p



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