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20 Sep 2009

Post 155: A post about everything I've been up to and what's most on my mind in this purgatory


Just to follow on with the theme I started last week before the serious business of this week's post which I warn you now might not be the most original or uplifting in theme; so without further ado , let me present another example of the comedy genius of the intellectual stylings of Bernard, the PMs secretary, in 'Yes, Prime Minster': 'It's one of those irregular verbs. I have an independent mind, you are an eccentric, he is round the twist. But if mixed metaphors are your thing here's a couple that have made me laugh in casual conversation recently: 'It's all over it like a cheap rash' or the more recent 'He's a bit green behind the earsuttered accidentally by Mr Ian Betts a few weeks back. It's almost funnier when they're said accidentally and spontaneously, it makes them more absurd!
I have been debating whether to write about the following but it's been all I can think about, sadly, I discovered that despite its many advantages, facebook is a bit of a double edged sword because I stumbled upon pictures of my most recent ex girlfriend's wedding (who I was with for 7 years on and off). Now I am thankfully pretty much over her (which was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do in my life and being as physically and mentally pathetic as I am now made it a million times worse) but there was something about these pictures (she looks great and very happy with everything, her life, her husband blah di blah) and the fact that I was never told when the wedding would be exposed the wound again (I knew she was engaged which was a whole other world of pain) when she told me). Someone told me the other day: 'always look forwards, never back', this is good advice which I try and adhere to but I always fall into the trap of thinking 'what if?' I have many enemies and Demons surely this is the worst? I just don't understand this, but the facts are all there for everyone to see, but everything just feels so f*cking unfair, how someone you were closer to than anything in the universe is now out of reach forever - having no recourse and being powerless to do anything makes me feel so terrible, and I'm angry with myself for feeling like this because I don't feel I have any right to and that's because I am for the most part a logical thinker but I can't help the emotional response, it's the root of the human conditionThis is why if humans tried to replicate this they never could (christ,there have been books written, films made, even episodes of Doctor Who and Star Trek that have touched on this very problem) .
Anyway to try and take my mind off this fundamental science fiction bullsh*t I went to a couple of slightly unusual events this week and Coldplay at Wembley last night which wasn't unusual, it was just enjoyable, if not as life changing as I'd hoped but it did neatly illustrate how hard I find it to organise things. I had bought the tickets more than a year ago over the phone and I couldn't for the life of me remember which day it was on, after doing some web research I was convinced it was on the Friday, so I set about organising to go to a comedy event I had spotted online featuring a couple of excellent comedians I had seen before, Andrew Maxwell and Dan Antopolski at the grand re-opening of a place in Finsbury park called the Red Rose Comedy Club, more important than this I set towards assembling a posse of us (6 in total) to go to this. This is not easy to do, people have plans and emails and phonecalls are exhausting for me. Indeed, I have been communicating with the person in charge of the comedy club via email about tickets, parking and having to fit my wheelchair in through a side door because it won't fit through the front, and after all this the Coldplay tickets finally arrive this week and they're for Saturday. Angry and Incandescent doesn't even begin to describe it, it's more annoyance/fear at having to let people down and my fright at how much energy it'll take to undo. Is going to see Coldplay worth all this hassle? I had seen them live once before. At Crystal Palace in summer 2004 (I think) and I was blown away. Before this I only really knew about electronic music which had a time and a place but the reason Coldplay were so popular was because of a wealth of magic songs and beautiful tunes, Chris may be a knob in the same league as Bono, but he can sing amazingly. After the concert I was a convert. Some of my friends may take the piss out of my fondness for M.O.R Rock (Middle of the road rock) , but for some inexplicable reason Coldplay were being supported by Girls Aloud who did at the very least provide some visual stimulus if not musical talent, they have a couple of their own songs but the rest were covers that didn't really stand up in any way shape or form to the originals, and does anyone else see the irony in the one judging a singing contest (Cheryl Cole), being the worst singer!At least they're attractive unlike the Spice Girls, who are hell hounds by comparison! we missed the excellent White Lies with yet more MOR Rock who were on first because we figured it was going to be a long old afternoon, my friend, Alex who took me is six months pregnant and suffers from fatigue a bit like me. But thanks must go to her for taking me and her Knight in shining armour' husband Will who turned up in the Wembley Car Park afterwards to drive me home to save his wife getting over tired, This is how men should behave! For some unknown reason the awful Hip Hopster Jay Z who I'd happily chuck into a weighted burlap sack alongside 'the worst human in the world' 50 Cent and close 2nd P Diddy before pitching them into a canal. MOR rock may be nice to listen too, but hip hop is painful , a swaggering trillionaire, gotten rich off record sales to the poorest sections of American society, probably money they should have spent on food! Strutting around the stage, shouting complete nonsense into the microphone whilst telling people to 'make some noise', I don't get it, and the atmosphere becomes so aggressive, it's sh*t. I tend to let the music do the talking ie people like Keane because their music is nice to listen too. You can't get less Rock & Roll than naming your band after a prep school teacher! Last time I checked I don't care about the opinion of the Keane Haters who seem to care about this. Chris Martin and Bono may be ultra earnest tools who deserve to have their fingers snapped (Post 15) and take themselves far too seriously but they have some incredible songs, end of story. I have been guilty of playing the man and not the ball for years, eg it's human nature to hate Simply Red because of Mick Hucknall, what I'm saying is the minute Simply Red have a good song it'll be ok to like it in spite of him even though it will be hard.
The slightly unusual events I went to were a continuation of my fondness for going to the Albert hall and a continuation of my antipathy towards antipodeans! I had spied a night a long time ago that I knew my parents would like called 'The last night of the pOms', a night hosted by Sir Les Patterson and Dame Edna. Even though they've been trotting out the same material for years, older generations still find them funny. I just enjoy the way that both characters make fun of Australia. Ie by illustrating how backward (demonstrated ably by sir Les) and as a nation how pleased they are with themselves (demonstrated by Dame Edna), it was a night that we enjoyed, most importantly by my mum and her friend Aileen who happened to be visiting from America and came along instead of my dad. Dame Edna and sir Les did the kind of comedy that helps if you're over 50 and the music was certainly not a patch on some of the orchestral numbers in the proms, particularly the Australian version of 'Peter and the Wolf' - 'Peter and the Shark', guffaw,I think I managed to raise a smile, but rather like Australia, cutting-edge this was not, indeed when I was back there the next day for my next 'out of the usual' event one of the stewards told me that some of the audience had even asked for their money back. It may not have been a classic but that is an overreaction. Probably some disgruntled Australians upset that they're having a hard time this summer!
The 2nd slightly unusual thing I went to was to go and see American Folk/Blues artist Ray LaMontagne in concert at the Albert Hall the next day (Wednesday), I think when I bought the tickets for this I was just going on the fact that I'd seen his name on the bill and vaguely recognised it, it had probably helped that he'd done a collaboration with DJ hero of mine Sasha Sasha's latest album. I took my neighbour Tracey and my hilarious local friend (helpfully a LaMontagne fan), she really has been the find of moving to the sticks, because she makes everyone laugh, I call her the human antidepressant. Anyway this concert was unlike anything I'd ever been to, a totally darkened and silent Albert Hall first welcomed support acts that only had an amplified accoustic guitar and a microphone for company. We all enjoyed the 2nd support act, a guy called Josh Ritter who got everyone on side by saying that 'he had once been to the Hall when he was 10 and how standing on stage now was a dream come true' I think most people in the crowd warmed to this and his resulting set was pleasant to the ear. When Ray eventually got underway it was clear he had only a little more backing, a drummer and a guy on lead electric guitar and that was it. LaMontagne has an amazing earthy, soulful, haunting voice which is obviously his franchise, Sacha tells me his voice would melt female hearts, if that's true surely his beard there to re-solidify them, I am a bit of a pagonaphobe (someone who dislikes beards irrationally) probably because I couldn't grow one if I tried, I've been known recently to have an irrational envy to anyone who can walk so who cares what I think?
Moving on to the Coldplay gig, since I saw them 5 years ago it seems to be more about production than about amazing music. 5 years ago it was just before X&Y (a quite brilliant album) was released and so their concert was made up of the songs on X&Y which are brilliant. In my humble opinion their newer stuff is not even a patch on it. Indeed, the highlights of the concert were (like most concerts) when they played their older material (not even from X&Y, 'clocks', 'fix you' and 'Yellow' stand out. Even their heavily stage managed walk through the crowd left me a bit cold, normally I would see it as a sign of humanity, but the truth is Coldplay seem to be passed just making good music. They are more interested in putting on a spectacular, and it was spectacular, a concert of that size at the new Wembley (with a lot of the roof on) assures that but the fact that they had the physically talented but musically challenged Girls Aloud and the awful Jay Z as their support acts just didn't add up. Usually, apathy about this sort of thing rules the roost and I suspect it will again in a few minutes.
Anyway I have just come back from a lovely Sunday lunch with my ex colleagues and their significant others. Simon Dawes and his lovely wife Yvonne and their two little terrors, Joseph (6) and Isabel (4), sweet they may be but god knows how they cope, throughout the meal the noise level escalated aided by the group of randoms sitting at the table a few yards away whose 'wide-boy' credentials wouldn't have been out of place in Essex, just trying to speak was hard and would either be drowned out by Joseph or Isabelle reciting ads they'd heard on the TV or radio or the rioutous laughter emanating from Essex. Into the mix were Anna and Paul who we hadn't seen for months(Post 109). This is probably the last time Simon and I (who used to be their bosses) will see them before their wedding in December. It would be hard to find a better suited couple, they're always joking about something and Pauls deliberate bad jokes make us all laugh and roll our eyes at the same time. Todays cracker joke was 'what kind of bees make milk? Boo bees. Guffaw! :rolleyes:

1 comment:

Shaun said...

Ha! Give me Jay-Z and Girls Aloud over mega bores Keane and Coldplay any day of the week. Seriously, I've heard shipping forecasts more exciting than their MOR musings :p

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