27 Nov 2009

Post 168: Oh dear

A week where having a filthy cold has negatively impacted my routine/ sorry, hated rigmarole, yesterday when I did my walking session I genuinely thought my left side didn't have the strength to keep me upright, so halfway through the session my upper body kept collapsing forwards, Ian was doing his best to stop me hitting the deck and shouting at me to stand up straight – I just couldn't so eventually when we got near enough the house Ian had had enough and decided to carry me back into the house, only problem was that I leaned backwards at just the wrong moment when he was trying to pick me up, even though he's a strong guy I'm a big heavy b*stard and my weight overbalanced both of us, both of us ending up on the floor – luckily, neither of us did any damage to ourselves or each other but it illustrated to both of us the ease with which accidents can happen, worse for me because despite all our efforts it just seems to me that I just get worse! After 4 years I still can't walk, stand up independently, write with a pen, talk properly, or feel/use my left arm or hand, this is infuriating and I'm still blind in my right eye! On this trajectory in 10 years I'll have got nowhere, and the worst thing is that I just seem to get more exhausted. I try to make the most of what I've got but being like this reduces a lot of things to rubble -*rse, I hate writing posts like this – I'll probably write another one (but still post this I'm afraid). I'll hopefully post the other one at the normal time with some content that doesn't make you want to smash your computer.

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