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29 Nov 2009

Post 169: Mediocrity resumed

In the context of that last post this is gonna be difficult but here goes, the first thing I want to talk about is some song lyrics. Since watching 'greatest living Englishman' Bill Baileys Tinselworm show I always laugh at the Killers song with the line 'I've got soul but I'm not a soldier because as Bill points out when you analyse it, it's ' meaningless drivel, you might as well say 'I've got Ham,but I'm not a hamster', well, the message here is to not analyse song lyrics because most of them are 'meaningless drivel'. Unfortunately that didn't stop me analysing another Killers song that I love 'Human', the lyrics for that go 'are we human? Or are we dancer' which makes no grammatical sense unless the word 'dancer' were pluralised or became 'dancing' or maybe it was supposed to be some esoteric Christmas song and should be called 'Rudolph' or maybe I should just blame this weirdness on Brandon Flowers' Mormonism, because that just takes him from being a pretty talented Musician to a plain Weirdo, Mormon's can call me ignorant, I DON'T CARE! So on the subject of song lyrics I was rather affected the other morning by the lyrics to Lily Allens latest song which is odd because I thought a while back I'd stop listening to her Lyrics after her song 'the fear' was all about wanting to be rich and famous and wanting f*ckloads of money, and as far as I could tell it would be garnered by shamelessly taking her kit off or through being with a rich bloke and it didn't matter whether he was clever or funny. As far as I'm concerned she can bloody well take her clothes off, at least she'd be performing some sort of worthwhile service, but her new single 'who'd have known' describes everything I want in a partner/relationship:

It's 5 o'clock in the morning
Conversation got boring
You said you're going to bed soon
So I snuck off to your bedroom
And I thought I'd just wait there
Til I heard you come up the stairs
I pretended I was sleeping
And I was hoping you would creep in
With me

You put your arm around my shoulder
It was as if the room got colder
We moved closer in together
And started talking bout the weather
Said tomorrow would be fun
We can watch A Place In The Sun
I didn't know where this was going
When you kissed me

Are you mine?
Are you mine?
Cause I stay here all the time
Watching telly, drinking wine
Who'da known, who'da known
When you flash up on my phone
I'd no longer feel alone
No longer feel alone

I haven't left here for days now
And I'm becoming amazed how
You're quite affectionate in public
In fact, your friend said it made her feel sick
And even though it's moving forward
There's just the right amount of awkward
And today you accidentally
Called me baby

Are you mine?
Are you mine?
Cause I stay here all the time
Watching telly, drinking wine
Who'da known, who'da known
When you flash up on my phone
I'd no longer feel alone

Let's just stay
Let's just stay
I wanna lie in bed all day
We'll be laughing all the way
Told your friends
They all know
We exist but we're taking it slow
Now let's just see how we go
Now let's see how we go

Let's just stay
Let's just stay
I wanna lie in bed all day
We'll be laughing all the way
Told your friends
They all know
We exist but we're taking it slow
Now let's just see how we go
Now let's see how we go.

Maybe I'm looking at the world woefully simplistically, maybe I should try harder to embrace materialism but I can't because all my dreams of being able to set up on my own and somehow create a lucrative importing business have been written off in favour of trying to keep my head above water for the rest of my life. A huge weight has been taken off my mind by my former employer John Lewis who pay me a disability pension which keeps me in food and heat, many companies wouldn't do this and would see this as an unnecessary expense. I was discussing writing something like this to my friend and former colleague Jackie at the John Lewis Victoria (Head Office) retired partners christmas lunch at the Marriot on Tuesday
and I was thinking there weren't many businesses these days that would bother putting on an event like this, it is because of the partnership ethos of people before profits, had this happened to me at any other firm they probably would have tried to get away with the statutory minimum. A friend tells me it is partly as a reaction to how well they have treated me that she,my good friend Vicky Denning, went to work there. Without a doubt, working for the partnership was one of the best things that ever happened to me and of my disability pension what's left over plus the paltry (sorry, pathetic) disability benefit the government pays me keeps me in tickets for live events that I can take my friends to. Life is simpler but oh so bloody hard these days.
I was actually supposed to be off to see the delectable Lily this very evening at her sold out Brixton academy gig but a misunderstanding between me and my mate who was supposed to be driving me has meant that's not gonna happen, welcome to my world of constant disappointment (I would stress that this misunderstanding was most likely my fault). I do believe her music is starting to grow on me and she is certainly a very attractive lady, mainly for her great attitude (despite her Mockney) and her beauty and more obvious physical charms -I wish I somehow stood a chance (easily the most ridiculous thought I've ever committed to your no doubt bored minds).
That said I'm off to see Irish GENIUS (not a contradiction in terms) Dylan Moran
on Saturday, I saw Ed Byrne (a man who is trying to be Dylan Moran) at the Hammersmith Apollo last night (Thursday). He was pretty funny but him talking a lot about his wife and wedding (quite humourously) make him sound a lot like Moran who I saw in November last year and getting a bit personal makes you as an audience member feel you are being told one or two rather special things. I found common ground with Byrne's disrespect (disbelief, even!) of how much kudos football, footballers or WAGs get in the modern world which is why it's even more of a mystery that I'm going to Arsenal vs Chelsea at the Emirates stadium tomorrow. Strangely enough the last football game I went to see was Arsenal vs Chelsea at Stamford Bridge when I was still in hospital, oh I almost forgot, the dull draw between Everton and Fulham I went to watch in the pouring rain with Simon Dawes in about Dec 2007, it was so cold I think my left hand went blue. Dear old Mr Dawes had figured it would be a good expedition, in theory, Shackletons expedition to the south pole was a good idea but they almost froze to death then too. The reason I'm going is because my mate Champ likes football and we managed to jazz free tickets because my cousin (Julie) works for the Gooners. We're going as a replacement for him not being able to take me to Muse at the Dome a few weeks ago (easily one of the best gigs I've been to). At least going to the football will get me out of the house! I'm eagerly anticipating seeing Depeche Mode with him at the Dome in mid December which is much more my thing. I've now seen Dylan Moran and have to report he was masterful but I won't ever be going to the Apollo Shaftsbury again in a wheelchair. For starters my cousin Danny missed the first half trying to find somewhere to park, and getting to and from my wheelchair space inside the theatre was unbelievably hard. Enough about our problems. Moran is so brilliant because he justs grabs the microphone and rants, but he's not moaning which would be tiresome, he makes lifes difficulties, complexities and intricacies funny, e.g. trying to chat up the opposite sex is like talking to the bereaved 'there's never a right thing to say' or of the most evil of alcoholic drinks, Tequila 'Tequila's not an alchoholic drink, it's just a way of calling the police without using the phone'. THERE IS NO NEED FOR TEQUILA. Big thanks to my cousin Danny and his mate Ben for braving Saturday night London, minging weather and my company last night, Danny actually spent most of the day here, him and his sister Nicky and her five month old daughter Ava
and did her best to persuade me that her baby is the cutest. Granted she is cute but as I've said before ' When you've seen one young baby, you've seen 'em all'. Danny did say to me after the show that the only thing missing from the evening was some good heckling – I said to Danny 'People aren't mad, taking on an angry Irish drunk with a microphone would be suicide'. The last order of business is the tearful goodbye we have to say to Shaun and Renae
who have been great mates since I met them almost a decade ago. This is the 2nd time, they have emigrated to Australia, after they changed their mind after a year last time, we all fear that this is it this time.

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