28 Mar 2010

Post 195: Trying yet more things

Morning All, feeling bright and breezy or sh*te and wheezy is actually a repeatable Tuckerism and in my customary manner I'll have to go for the latter because mediocrity is as good as it gets for me. I think I've worked out that the only thing that can prepare you for stroke recovery is your previous life.ieThe more boring your life before, the easier your post stroke life will be which as much as it might sound it, isn't me saying,'be boring just in case'. I think it'd be fair to say before my stroke, I was a gregarious, energetic, sociable, outgoing sort, I reckon this is one of the reasons I find life so f*cking tough now. I'm not designed for being alone, Sure, I like my own space, but on my terms, who doesn't? If I wanted company in the past I'd go out and find it, I'd call people, I'd turn up at places I knew people I'd know would be at, I'd spend time with my closest friends, so if you're used to that it's rather hard to deal with the fact that that's not how it works any more. Let me just apologise in advance to those people I'm seemingly always asking to come over. That is me offering to make the effort in disguise. But maybe I am asking too much. You tell me, but do it nicely, I'm a sensitive soul , I do have a small hunch I might be less fun than I used to be but I hope the feeling that you've probably made my day makes up for it! On top of the horrid physical therapy regime I put myself through I got an email from a Personal trainer/dietician and it was well written and importantly didn't ask for money up front. This guy is convinced (and putting something authoritatively and intelligently whether in writing or in person goes a long way, the minute someone doesn't sound like they know what they're talking about is the minute I stop listening) He thinks I can regain my energy from eating to my dietary type according to American Health guru Paul Chek. Alarm Bells are also ringing in my head and continued to when he produced 'case studies' what the 'alternative medicine community' tries to convince vulnerable, desperate people is incontrovertible evidence that their treatment works. It's better than the evidence for a god but an empiricist like me needs more, but I'm going to listen to anyone who thinks that there might be a way to make me feel less dreadful and bothers to read all of this blog (Brave man), and doesn't try and flog me magic beans which promise the earth but might as well be earth – isn't it an odd coincidence that a lot of these scams seem to originate from our friends in west Africa, what is it about Nigerians!
That's probably too much for some of the bleeding hearts, I'm probably guilty of lazy, ignorant, stereotyping. F*ck off – I'm the one who has been stolen from and I'm no millionaire. Anyway, back to the reputable guy, David Cox is his name, using a book by Paul Chek, I'd sooner be bald than tired, apparently I'm a protein type and I need to eat more proteins and proper full fats none of this reduced fat processed nonsense. The absence of carbs screams Atkins, which apparently this isn't. I'm nervous about this because sadly I don't think national advertising can lie (that badly) although everyone (literally everyone) has told me that one of the most popular and prevalent sweetners in the world (Aspartame) is the root of all evil, maybe I'm being naïve! The other thing I'm wary about with this Diet is that before my stroke, I ate what I wanted and never had a problem with energy, why should a bit of brain damage totally alter the relationship between your diet and your energy levels? No idea what the answer to that is. I'll tell you who else can't answer that question: Medical Science; doctors;consultants; neurologists; brain surgeons; interventional neuro-radiologists (apparently); psychologists; neuro-psychologists; psychiatrists and anyone with a hoighty toighty high falluting title because every bloody time I have ever seen a so-called expert they've been no help. This isn't me advocating put yourself in the hands of 'alternative medicine' because some of them are charlatans, thieves and my personal favourite 'daft hippies' and if someone as much as mentions the 'power of positive thought' I'll run their toes over! The thing that really upsets me is that it has taken over four years and I still feel terrible. If I bought a pint in a pub(sod it several pints) and I didn't feel any different after drinking them, I'd be furious, I'd feel cheated – this is how I've felt everyday since I woke from my coma in those happy days of January 2006!

As usual I've been trying to keep my mind off all this by taking in a gig or two – this week it was the Editors
at Brixton Academy and comedian Sean Lock
in Blackheath. Both ended up being sold out and I almost couldn't go to either because my lift for the Editors fell through and I plain forgot to ask anyone for Sean Lock but even though begging for help chips away at my remaining dignity, my begs received answers, on Thursday my personal trainer, Jose (pictured here with his other half Rebecca, a nutritionist who helped me refine my blunderbus-like supplement intake). He's a good lad, we were talking in the car on the way to Brixton and he told me his best mate is also called Jose and he'd be a rich man if he had a pound for everytime someone had told him the joke 'what do you call 2 Spanish firemen?' Hose-A and Hose-B of course!I met hose-A and Bec through a mutual friend I met on the internet) and at the end of the gig when he said 'I really enjoyed that' it effectively doubled the worth of going. I do hope Sarah, a very pretty stranger who yabbered something to me at the end of the gig about the 'Editors being like Joy division'. Whatever that means, I'd only got tickets because I'd seen them on TV at Glastonbury and thought they looked good, my record of enjoying stuff live, I've seen firston TV is pretty good, Kasabian, the Killers, Lady GaGa -what can I say? I'm an advertisers dream! I hope this girl, Sarah, gets in touch, she did write down my email address, but nothing yet – although she did do that thing that all pretty girls seem to do that reminded me of this:
Isn't the bloke a spectacular pr*ck? It does make me laugh though because girls do do that – they casually slip in the b word thinking it will have no impact but it is metaphorically similar to booting a dog across a road. I have been debating whether to include this because it does make me chuckle in a sort of puerile way and I suppose it's airing dirty laundry in public but I couldn't resist when a friend mailed me about feeling down I replied with this The girl who I went out with for seven years
and broke my heart emailed me out of the blue the other day, I
couldn't resist childishly replying - your husband hasn't turned out
to be gay?
I've not had a reply and I'm not expecting one - Childish, but it made me feel better. I should probably stop doing things like that, But some things are just too hard to recover from. I used the metaphor in this once to describe my progress as 'dragging a dead horse across a plateau'. I hope I start noticing a difference soon! I am bored, badly bored but Sean Lock was good last night and my ribs still hurt . He may not be the slickest comedian, in fact he did say that – but his delivery as 'angry man in the pub' and his tactical (sparing) use of swearing is funny as f*ck (I can't do it) is masterful. His observational stuff is spot on too – like those fans in toilets being nothing to do with Ventilation, they're there to hide the sound of people using the loo. Eg the sounds of people strainingg that sound like someone trying to get a double mattress up a spiral staircase! I must thank Michael Lewis for taking me. Sadly his partner Gaelle couldn't make it because she was holding the fort with her 10 yr old daughter Lucie and my heart goes out to them about the difficulties they've been having with their landlord which looks like forcing them to move from a house they're happy in. Natural Justice just doesn't exist. Anyone who thinks it does is as stupid as Glen Hoddle!



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