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3 Apr 2010

Post197: As tough as it's ever been

Truth be told this has not been the best of weeks. 'I picked a bad week to give up caffeine' which reminds me of that classic scene in Airplane where Lloyd Bridges says 'I picked a bad week to stop Sniffing glue!' As part of this Chek Diet cutting out caffeine is one of the steps to help my body detox. When I think of my body now the most poisonous output I have can surely only come from my head – 'the pen is mightier than the sword' and all that crap. For instance a mate of mine commented on Facebook 'Please please no one text me or email me about the Man Utd Chelsea game on Sat as I won't be watching it until Sunday morning - thanks muchly! I quite uncharitably and probably unhelpfully contributed 'intelligent people shouldn't care about football, except to hate it for how boring it is and to hate the overpaid, simpleton, borderline rapists who play it [rant end]
I really do hate football and I lament the way it turns perfectly reasonable people into idiots.
It's because of our travelling football fans why you've ever been given a hard time by an official of any other country except the US passport people who are without a doubt the most unpleasant people on the planet. They genuinely get paid to intimidate and be rude to people, Grrr! Before the world cup in Japan, Japanese riot police did riot control practice against dummy groups of rioters dressed in England Football Shirts. They only stopped after weak protests from the British embassy. The reason this week has been so awful (and caffeine withdrawal hasn't kicked in yet) is because I had two bloody difficult and depressing walking sessions and I'm reaching for the towel. Clearly walking again is an admirable goal but it doesn't seem to ever get any easier, if anything it gets worse and I just get more and more tired. I am not someone who just gives in but logic tells me there must be a point where enough is enough, and I can't believe I would ever say this - 'I'm virtually there'. My reasoning is if I continue on my current trajectory, it'll be years and when I can it won't be recognisable walking.
I won't be able to walk alone anywhere or use public transport. At best I'd be ok to stagger to the loo and back. Getting to this stage saddens me and saying it feels like pathetic capitulation and like I'm letting people down. Certainly since I could in Oxshott I have done more physio than all the stroke survivors I have met and not one of them had chronic fatigue anything like mine. My major priority now is my energy levels, my diet and my health, I will continue my physical exercise through my personal training which I will increase. I hate this – it's failure on a grand scale and to make matters worse the Polish couple who live here and look after the house and the cat and cook me an evening meal and cook for me at weekends said they'd be moving out at the end of this month because they're having a baby, I wish I could be happier for them but the hits have just kept on coming this week – I tried to book tickets for two comedy nights at small venues, and guess what? Neither had wheelchair access! F*ck – what next?
To be fair things aren't always this bad: A few things have been Ok, for example after I wrote a panic email to best friend Tony he rang me out of concern
and we had a soothing and amusing chat about his impending holiday in Libya. Libya! I was concerned. Apparently for their holiday (Tony and ace girlfriend Kate) they've even got their own government Stooge who for some reason I imagine as the phonejacker crossed with Colonel Gaddafi – whatever he looks like my mind is slightly more at ease. My 2nd pep talk of the week came from the surprise visit of some of my favourite people in the world who I haven't seen for ages, Ian and Sharon Betts with their latest edition several week old Ellie. My mum, who happened to pop round at the same time had one of her (babies=heroin) moments and was cooing about how 'clever' they were having a girl to go with their 3ish yr old son Olly ( I personally think the choice of names is cleverer 'Ellie' and 'Olly' sounds good and I doubt very much Ian was thinking 'must produce an X chromosome' at the time. The only other good thing I can dredge up about this pisspoor week was going to C4s comedy gala at the Dome in aid of Great Ormond Street. A worthy cause I think you'd agree. Certainly better than the Royal Hospital for Neurodisability in Putney. (where I was imprisoned for two and a half miserable years). As far as I could tell they spent a small fortune on landscaping the carpark, ripping up any existing tarmac outside my room with a jackhammer! B*stards! If only they had spent it on getting non-agency staff in Drapers ward.
I can't pull the wool over anyones eyes, despite the comedy gala (which had the biggest line-up I've ever seen) Michael MacIntyre stealing the show,eg after being introduced by fine pair Jordan and Alex Reed he quipped that Alex's middle name was 'I can't', still not enough to cheer me up,and if the positive thinking brigade are to be believed, I should be able to think my way out of this crisis, oh wait -they're full of sh*t
or
as Lisa Simpson once said 'did you know in some languages crisis is the same word as opportunity'
'yeah crisitunity' is Homers reply
and finally big thanks to old friend Paul for braving the cross town traffic and stepping in to answer my lastminute call for a driver on Tuesday after my organisation fell apart again. Even though the traffic made us a bit late we arrived just as Mark Watson took to the stage and we were in time for deity Bill Bailey,
as ever the Dome is fantastic, especially from my favourite seats (which I always ask for but fill up fast. Imagine my dismay when I asked for them for the Bon Jovi gig in June and they informed me that they're going to the non-disabled at £200 each! What's wrong with this world?

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