11 Jul 2010

Post 220: Being a teensy bit cynical

We're out of the world cup and it's almost over, maybe the world and some fairly intelligent people can start to get some f*cking perspective again and grow up for the next 4 years, hang on I think I've found a picture that sums up my feelings!

I think I've found out the answer to the
Why are you so Cynical ?– apart from the obvious answer -Because all of my hopes and dreams have been shattered.
I found the more likely answer during the brilliant, emotive, provocative, subversive, side splitting comedy of Steve Hughes
who I first saw at the end of June (post 218). This doesn't mean I'm into heavy metal! He is Reggie Hunters touring partner and the reason Steve isn't touring himself is that no-ones heard of the bugger, indeed Reg doffed his cap to Hughes saying that he had been a good friend and made him a better person (the affect I aspire to have on people). I don't think I'm anywhere near that yet. Reggie said he was only the headline act because his name was 'going a bit further at the moment.
I was lucky enough to see him twice in the last two weeks, once, a week last Monday and, on Tuesday night because by a strange twist of fate, Reggie happened to be on in Dorking on that Monday, yet months and months ago I happened to buy tickets for his show in Shepherds Bush for the Tuesday -that's the way it works these days, there is not a great deal of method to this madness.! Steve Hughes and Daniel Kitson are now the two men I hope reading this blog makes you want to see, and see live just to watch amazing minds at work. Mark my words names like Reginald D Hunter, Steve Hughes, Bill Bailey
and Daniel Kitson are the philosophers of our time, people listen to them because they are Charismatic, energetic, funny and uncommonly intelligent and people pay good money to see them, and occasionally they talk complete off the wall codsh*t.
Like Mr Hughes people are always asking me: 'Why are you so cynical?' The answer is simple. Because I'm not a moron. This implies that all non-cynical people are morons. Not so, people who believe everything they're told are morons and retards – cynical people just don't believe everything they're told and find it funny that the teller would ever think they'd believe them. There's probably a flaw there somewhere because I thought of that. I am sadly not an original thinker, instead I am just a thinker, a poor soul trapped with just an imperfect damaged brain for company. I try and amass all the best (and sometimes worst) bits of what I see and hear in this tome and I try and attribute as much as I can, Going to see all these shows is now what makes me original. I want to be remembered as having made an effort, as the cripple who did something different or something useful. I want people to be interested although getting into this blog does take a bit of a leap of respect because who the f*ck is Dom Pardey? Honestly, I only listen to people I respect and don't bore me but many has the time been that someone I do respect has bored me and I still don't listen because I can't stop my eyes glazing over, so it's quite simple (as my good friend Shaun Rowland often said) Don't be boring and don't be weird and don't be pathetic. You increase your chances of people listening to you. This has been my mission from age 7 -have some f*cking Charisma – it hasn't always worked, trying to have some Charisma, when you're a little sh*t .That is gonna get you killed and my schooldays were a litany of 'shut up you cocky little b*stard''s, it was only when I grew a foot between the ages of 16 and 20 did it become harder for people to call me 'a cocky little sh*t' not because I wanted to physically intimidate people 'christ, I was the least physically intimidating person ever' and the least likely person to ever pick a fight unless I knew someone needed help but in a ' fight or flight' situation, it was TAXI! Growing a foot helped me avoid ever being accused of SPS (short person syndrome) where a person overcompensates for their shortness by being over-exuberant, annoyingly so. Luckily my height caught up with my exuberance but I've always felt a bit sorry for short blokes. Not for Tom Cruise because he's fruit and nut! I find the joke about how Katie Holmes must have by now written 'GET HELP' in the peas bloody funny. I don't think she needs sympathy ,it was widely known he was into Scientology, believing in Scientology, it's enough to make me believe in god! I just can't not be cynical, I do buy into some of Hughes supposition that we're heading for an 'Orwellian Nightmare' but to believe in all that mumbo jumbo conspiracy crap you have to believe that companies care about anything other than their core businesses and their bottom lines. They don't have the time and they don't have the resources to build a secret underground lair and subsequently launch a plan to secretly takeover the world. Budgets don't stretch to fluffy white cats!
Now, having beyond all doubt proved that the world isn't about to be taken over by a super corporation who's logo looks suspiciously like HSBC, it's time to completely forego structure (as usual) and thank all those who have been kind enough to visit me or take me out, starting with my old college mate Marissa and her Mum who made time to pop in last Saturday. Now when you bear
in mind that Marissa is now a journalist in LA it is rather touching that someone with as many demands on her time when she is on her rare visits back to the UK makes time to come and see me . And Marissa's mum who has only met me once came all the way from Hackney. A rare treat and when I think how some people I know live considerably closer don't have the time – people who make this sort of effort make the difference. That's not it though. A big thankyou to Rachel who has taught me the value of having a good local mate – I took her out to lunch last Thursday and she's a great listener and she's ultra proficient at loading me in the van these days. I'm also grateful to the lads from Tonbridge who treated me to my old favourite of grilled fish and chips (not grilled!) at the bear on Tuesday evening. This was organised by my old rackets doubles partner James Pyemont who was actually nicknamed piggy before he became a policeman (oink!). He managed to drag a few of the school staff who I really got on with with him. Dave the rackets Pro, Gibbo, the master in charge of rackets and John Maynard, the master in charge of squash. It's very kind of them to do this, it reminds me that there was life before this and of a time when I was good at something. Everytime someone takes me out I feel as though I'm being let out of prison. Sadly as soon as anyone leaves it's straight back to my cell in solitary and more rest and boredom that counts for nothing. Someone who shall remain nameless called me lazy the other day because they think that me sitting in front of this computer is easy because I do this instead of my walking practice. It is easier but you can't just make someone with chronic fatigue do something. You can't just say 'come on mate – just this once'. I only understood this in the context that I once asked a mate with ME – come on mate – just this once to come to some event or other and they refused immovably. It's the same for me. Unless this fatigue improves,there's nowhere to dig deeper, it's not about being lazy, you just can't do it. Being lazy would be doing nothing, would be never seeing anyone, never looking for things to do, not bothering with this blog. To me, it would be a fate worse than death or the difference between being a retard and a cynic [ that's a call back as Daniel Kitson would say].


Anonymous said...

Say not all that you know, believe not all that you hear.............................................................

Dom P said...

There's always going to be a questionmark over who listen to, and I'll stick with the funny, intelligent charismatic people for now, earnest boring, clever people can f*ck off!



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