1 Aug 2010

Post 224: Swearing:Thinking the unprintable, this is tame as f*ck

OK, it's time to address another testy little issue, SWEARING:

In my opinion there are two main types of swearing Humorous swearing and aggressive swearing. Personally I find some aggressive swearing funny – witness Malcolm Tucker .Tucker, a creation that was invented by Armando Ianucci to satirise Alistair Campbell after he was Tony Blair's 'prince of darkness' aka head spin doctor, working with someone like that would be hell. He is funny to watch because he is so outrageously angry it is simply ridiculous, anything that ridiculous is funny plus there's the brilliant creative swearing like hanging up the phone with a friendly 'f*ckety bye'. I tried hard to curb my language at work especially at John Lewis(with limited success and I'd often hear the word's 'dignity at work' from one of the Guys who used to work for me. This bloke had worked for John Lewis for years even though he was younger than me and knew pretty much everything there was to know about the company and the concept of 'dignity at work' which by the way was straight out of the Partnership handbook (there was one 'tis true) but whenever he said it he was being facetious which caused me to swear more. This post by the way is not about giving me carte blanche to swear more. The Cheeky f*cker was trying to wind me up. For my sins this was sometimes very easy to do (you can probably tell) but other times (usually when I'd just finished a big piece of work it was like water off a ducks *rse (!)I would only ever swear at work if something was difficult or if something was annoying me but it was hard because my bosses in my two previous jobs were both hilarious swearers both when they were angry or to make a point e.g('Dom,go and get the f*cking tea'). You may notice I * out a letter in a swear word. For two reasons really, the first is because I know that some people work for the sort of Draconian organisations that have email filters that think that if you're accessing a site with bad language you are a bad person and should be disciplined. I'm glad I never worked anywhere like that! As a general rule I will not swear aggressively because it is intimidatory and is quite simply not nice to listen too. I'll give you an example, quite often I have sat in my local pub and there are a group of lads who sound straight out of Essex (they sound like chavs) and all they do is Eff and blind, I think they're the Chelsea reserves. I detest this kind of swearing, it's reserved for lazy, thick people, real scum, like John Terry who also lives down in this neck of the woods. Swearing should only ever be used in a humorous way, because it's also a bit taboo, swearing out loud instantly causes people to react always in proportion to how taboo the listenee finds it. To me swearing is no big deal, I only ever really swear in writing because it is an expedient way to exaggerate something which is bloody important because Hyperbole in comedy is vital (I think Rich Hall said that so it must be true. I swear sparingly for a few reasons: You may not agree that I swear sparingly but:

  1. I agree with Bill Bailey that it suffers from diminishing returns

  2. It does sometimes make some people feel uncomfortable but I agree with Mark Watson that it's just a noise or a word on paper

BUT _ that doesn't explain why I should find the Chavs in the pub so unpleasant.

What it therefore boils down to is that swearing in any other way except a humerous way is not on unless you're scottish where humour seems to go hand in hand with being aggressive (trainspotting, Frankie Boyle and Malcolm Tucker are great examples). With Billy Connolly I think his overuse of the f word detracts from the funniness of his stories, I'm with the London cabbie[effect cockney accent ]'not sure about Connolly, too much f*cking swearing'. I swear to be cheeky but never swear in front of people who don't understand English properly, they get very stroppy and think you're swearing at them, particularly if they're an African male nurse, something I quickly found out during my two years of incarceration in hospital. I think my next post might be a 'Story so far' post, rather like the intro to this blog but a bit longer after a visit from two of my closest college mates, Guy Wolf and Charlie Methven the day before I headed for Wales. They suggested as a writing challenge it's a good task to set myself. It sounds like a f*cking nightmare but I've always taken on the ideas of my friends. Despite the fact we've always thought of each other as idiots and Charlie's always called me 'fool' and Guy has always called me 'Punter' we've always had a laugh, I feel a bit left out now because they're both married with kids. Feeling left behind seems to be the story of my life.'1,2,3, AH'

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