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16 Oct 2010

Post 247: More Genius

Since my 'intervention' on Sunday (see last post) my time doesn't feel like my own anymore. I thought interventions were reserved for people like Amy Winehouse and Kerry Katona but clearly also for people like me, people who are in danger of messing up their messed up lives even more, but even if I don't feel grateful to them at this precise moment I'm lucky to have people who care about me enough to intervene. The program I have agreed too is daunting and slightly scares me but my housekeeper and housemate, (Susan and Suzanne) are mercilessly implementing it. Suzanne even went out and bought a white board so she could write out the program so I and other people can see it. Doing walking practice 4 times a week is what scares me, because even though I find it hellishly hard, the reason I cut back on it 6 months ago was I didn't feel I ever got any better at it. Doing hard work for nothing just doesn't compute in my mind but apparently if I continue as I am, it's a one-way ticket to the Dignitas clinic! It's like in the shawshank redemption 'get busy living, or get busy dying'. It's nothing like that dramatic though a dream of mine that I had thought I had to retire came true on Wednesday night when I saw the mighty Guns and Roses in concert at the Dome and even though I have seen a lot of great live shows this had been the best by a street –I took this video it may be 15 years since the height of their greatness when both 'Use your Illusion' CDs were easily my teenage favourites and everything about Slash screamed 'GOD' but to tell you the truth I hadn't even listened to their new album 'Chinese Democracy' because I thought it might sully the memory I had of their genius. Reviews of Chinese Democracy confused a mere simpleton like me e.g

“In truth, not a Guns N’ Roses album, but an Axl Rose and Friends production, as not another single member from the band’s original line-up is present here. In their place is a virtual militia of guitar players — often four to five at a time — and an extended crew of keyboardists, including Use Your Illusion-era Dizzy Reed. With all this firepower, Rose uses his surly, knowing howl to ID these hard rock tunes with his fervent, often imagined, sense of injustice and works his way into quite a tizzy. He’s raging against something that’s holding the world back in the title track and he’s stalking the stage with the gothic thrust of Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson on “Better” and adopting the Robert Plant banshee scream throughout “Riad N’ the Bedouins.” While Rose spends much of his vocal range in a high anguished falsetto, his backing group use everything from prog-rock Mellotron and strings for “There Was a Time” to piano and orchestra for the Freddie Mercury-inspired power-ballad “Street of Dreams.” Rose doesn’t believe in small moves. An album that has taken 15 years to appear and has used 14 studios to create it could only be this grandiose: Larger than life in every conceivable way.”

When I had struggled to read this it didn't sound particularly good but live weaved in amongst almost all their classics it was majestic and in 'this I love' might even replace 'November Rain' as my favourite GnR epic track. It is genius. Axl Rose's voice is still incredible. Even though he has clearly gained a few pounds since cutting heroin out of his diet it is a miracle his vocal chords have not been reduced to sandpaper, but they have not and I was speechless at the power he can generate. I also really got the impression these guys are properly talented musicians as opposed to mere rock gods, as Axl introduced the band they each got a couple of minutes to show off the bottomless talent they clearly have. Slash's replacement on lead guitar, Richard Fortus, can play a bit too, I guess I just came away from the concert feeling I could tick one of the things I'd wanted to do in my life, this is what going to live events, even in my wheelchair, feels like to me and more importantly I get to take people, and yesterday I got to take two people, Oli, a keen concert goer, who has taken me to some great stuff, but I also got to take my housekeeper Susan, who despite hating crowds and is pretty agrophobic bravely decided to face the Dome because GnR were a bit too good an opportunity to miss but also because she was a massive fan of the warm up guy former Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach who I thought was awesome – proper hard rock! Which sounds immense live. So full of energy and Bach, who must be in his 40s has such a powerful voice, with a rock n Roll Scream that matches Axl Rose. Guns and Roses are a treasure that needs to be enjoyed. The Dome is incredible. The sound is immense and I love going there. Also this week my counsellor set me a task,trying to describe what I offer and then trying to sell myself like a product. I hope I don't sound like an arrogant c*ck or worse, like one of those Apprentice Oxygen thiefs, I still think the show would be improved by lobbing a hand grenade into the boardroom! This was my first attempt at a sales pitch.

The way I have to do this is to describe what I have to offer People and that is the fact that I am a nice guy, an intelligent joker and cheeky git with my own house (in Oxshott, apparently a des res) and my own reasonable income and a big network of supportive mates. Unfortunately, I had a major stroke on christmas day 2005(ho-bloody-ho) caused by a vascular weakness I was probably born with but had no idea about that almost killed me. Since then I have been learning to cope with a new life -I want to meet someone who's in this for the long term, a female best friend to spend the rest of time loving and laughing. Educated, caring, pretty, a bit sexy and looking for love, to make things work it must be someone I respect. It will need to be someone willing to make allowances because I can't travel. Definitely someone who lives near me and can drive. I want to look after anyone who can look after me after what I have had to go through. I hope the rewards in the long run are substantial. Convalescence is dull on my own, I just need someone special to share life with, someone who doesn't think they're selling themselves short by going out with a disabled guy.(which appears to be a common theme)
If you drive it'll help! Same, if you live near-ish. I'm not a f*ckwit or a nonce but the wall of silence I get is enough to persuade me to virtually forget the online dating world because a stroke survivor like me won't be given a chance. I refuse to believe that nothing I've ever done in my life counts for anything.
Why would I be a product worth buying?
I have my own house
I have a stable income
I have a wide network of supportive friends
I put others first
I am tall
I can hold a proper, intelligent conversation with you
I try and find things in life to enjoy despite everything
I have a wide, articulate and interesting taste in music
I have good taste in comedy
I promise to make you laugh
I have good taste in red wine

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