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6 Feb 2011

Post 268: I mustn't moan

I've had a few messages which have alluded to this self-indulgent sh*te being a bit whiney, I hate whingeing, even though I have more than most to whinge about, however that's not bloody good enough.. Trying to write without moaning, hmmm, I'm not even sure that's possible, well, it's worth a go.
I'm having a bit of a culture clash with the kind people who help me, I have pretty much decided that struggling with things is not what I want to do but everything is a struggle these days which puts me in a bit of a pickle. I guess like most things since my stroke, it's just tough sh*t, take the rough with the smooth and other such clichés. I have also been slightly concerned of late that the social life and entertainment I pursue to keep myself sane is a source of resentment to some. This sounds like another bloody whinge! I guess part of the reason I write this is to try and get feedback. I don't know what I'm doing (no sh*t) and I'm not bloody minded enough to just be convinced that I'm doing the right thing and do it. I might get a bit cocky, but I haven't signed up for 'project ostrich'.
Because seeing people is what keeps me going I organised lunch yesterday with six friends who have been so loyal – it's a good job I don't let my self-consciousness get the better of me otherwise I wouldn't have the guts to do anything, but seeing Jo and Gary and their sweetheart 16 month old Sophia and Michael and Gaelle and Simon and Johnnie Random (aka Jonathan Edwards) made me feel so much better. They are such a fun bunch who I met in my DJing days and despite the fact that I am a very different person they have been great. I took Gary and Michael (well Michael drove) to go and see Radio 4 double act Punt and Dennis at the Richmond Theatre on Wednesday.Now that this country is being run by a double act they are more relevant than ever, and have been two of the countries top political satirists for an age, basically with Steve Punt doing most of the talking, Hugh Dennis plays the fool, a lot of their material being observations about how sh*t Britons think Britain is. It was great stuff and yet more evidence that doing this kind of thing is the right thing for me to do. Speaking of double acts, I am loving some of the Armstrong and Miller show which contained this particular line from Horstadt, one of the 16th Century Vampires living in Modern times – while trying on modern clothes, he says 'Gok Wan says it is quite the thing', his companion says 'but who is Gok Wan?' Horstadt replies hilariously 'a gregarious Sodomite of some repute' I saw that weeks ago and it still makes me laugh! I am also loving 'Ten O'Clock Live', channel 4s irreverent look at the weeks news on Thursday with a few of my favourite comedians and Jimmy Carr. Despite most of the show being pre-written and on the autocue there are a few segments where the guys really have to get their brains out, particularly where David Mitchell has to interview people, I was particularly impressed by the way Mitchell interviewed surely the most slippery character ever, Alistair Campbell. I thought he handled him brilliantly. Mitchell must have been packing himself! I also watched 'Wall Street 2' on Friday night with local friend and Greek Goddess Christina, her perspective on life is so refreshing and as a political lobbyist in the area of finance we have a few common interests. The first Wall Street said lots about the madness of the 80s, this tells us a lot about the madness that led to the credit crunch and the global recession. My 2ps worth for what it's worth is that more people like Gordon Gekko
should have gone to jail. As is my wont I want to publish the latest iteration of the message I sometimes send out on dating sites, I think (at least I hope) it's getting better. Big thanks for the constructive input I've had from some quarters, particularly from Jatinder.

I'm sorry if this is a bit much, but my situation is rather unusual and all this is quite important (I think). I've looked at your picture and it's really nice so I might as well get this out in the open straight away, I'm currently physically disabled but I am a hopeless Romantic. I just survived a stroke in Christmas 2005 caused by a blood vessel weakness I was born with but didn't know about until it ruined Christmas and I woke up three weeks later, since then I've had to use a wheelchair. When I look at my situation totally objectively and dispassionately, I realise I have been fortunate because I have been left with more than most that I want to and can share with someone, My major asset is my memories and my past life, essentially who I am which I can try and sell myself with, many wouldn't even have this, two more of these assets are materialistic, a mortgage free 4 bedroom house in Oxshott (apparently a des res in London commutersville with excellent local schools, christ, apparently it's the best place to live in the country!), the 2nd is a decent stable pension, hardly riches but enough to live on, the unmaterialistic (more important I believe) things are a big group of mates and a fantastic extended family, both are a huge support and source of inspiration for my future and my day to day plans. I have (I think) somehow retained my dignity and sense of humour, some have even said this has added another 'darker' dimension to it, I am slightly concerned because they say forces could be at work in the ole noggin, if 'they' say so, 'they' are rarely wrong! It has always been pretty dark and tended towards the sarcastic and nihilistic I.e, the world can be pretty sh*te, you get out of it, what you put in, this maybe one of the only clichés I can put up with. Life owes you nothing, and there are times these days when I feel like making a tremendous effort even though I am exhausted most of the time(I always look for gigs and comedy shows that friends can drive me to), I will always try and be one of life's organisers but there are always those days when I feel utterly exhausted and need someone to metaphorically inflate me so I can make the most of what I have. Life can be tough but I try and soldier on. I guess it's because deep down I know life can feel so much better than this. In the words of genius Bill Bailey parodying Barack Obama 'It is the 'soul-crushing inevitability of hope' – this raises a smile to a face that used to smile so much more but a smile that will hopefully find reason in future to be used more often.

The net result of all this is I'm looking for the right girl to share everything with to work as a team because I am convinced this can lead to a comfortable, happy, fulfilling future for us both. As much as I am semi-independent now, I need someone who can drive and is ok with being with me after work in the evenings. Someone who is happy in my company who I miss when they're not here. In the long run I am looking for a lover who will be my best friend. I hope to be a writer in future. My blog will tell you about me.
Dx
www.survivingastroke.blogspot.com
wwwdotsurvivingastrokedotblogspotdotcom. Bear in mind I'm no Russian Oligarch. This is me giving future happiness a shot.


And finally, I want to leave you with some funny words. I have been taking in with interest developments in the Egyptian crisis as I used to live in Cairo more than 25 years ago and back then Mubarek was president, (just think how much he has embezzled in that time?!) from Charlie Brooker: 'the west saying they've supported Mubarek as the 'stability' candidate is a bit like saying, if you need your patio done, I know he's got a bit of a temper, but Fred West's your man'.

3 comments:

Claire said...

I liked the Fred West joke!

Dom - I have a BIG favour to ask you.

You know how much I love a cup of coffee (The noise of my coffee machine upstairs must have driven you mad at times..."How many more bloody coffees is she going to have up there...?")

- And I freqently do my bit to keep Neros, Costas (and now The French Tarte in Surbiton) in business -

BUT, at the moment, I have signed up to a campaign to 'skip one coffee a week for Ruby' (see www.one4ruby.com)

You - more than any of us - know how devastating a brain injury can be.

Ruby's parents now face a long, challenging road ahead since Ruby suffered a brain injury in April 2010 at the age of six.

Please could you ask your fantastic group of friends to check out the Ruby website

http://www.one4ruby.com

and perhaps join the 'skip a coffee' campaign too?

I'll be over to see you (annoy you) soon!

Claire x

Dom P said...

Thanks Claire, I have shared the link on facebook and hopefully having it here will help. Come see me soon

Claire said...

Thanks Dom. See you soon. Cx

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