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16 Apr 2011

Post 283: What to do now?

Another drama has hit my life like a tornado and Kansas would be a picnic compared to this, just when I thought things were calming down, alas no – that would be too easy. I should have checked weeks ago but the references for the people who were due to move in on Wednesday turned out to be less than satisfactory so I have been forced to change the locks and tell them they're not needed and re-advertise, it's for the best because I could never have trusted someone whose voluntarily supplied referees couldn't support them, no matter what the truth is. What I do know is that from Wednesday next week I'm going to be carer-less. As resourceful and tenacious as I can be, sorting this out is a huge ask. Rocio( my temporary professional carer has been awesome but she has to be back on a plane to Spain early next week. There's less drama in Eastenders and the trauma in that is off the scale! Mike, a hilarious lad I was in hospital with who was a born and bred 'apples and pears' cockney Essex boy used to say to me ' I'm off to watch Eastenders to make myself feel better, because at least I'm not as f*cked up as them' and he was in a wheelchair. Speaking of Essex boys, I somehow went to the Dome on Friday night to see Jamiroquai thanks to good college mate, Tristan, who I hope to see much more of now him and his lovely Chilean wife Macarena are back from Chile. Tristan had the exact 'can do' attitude to going to this gig even saying in an email 'let's roll with the punches' an expression which describes my post stroke life so well. 3 great things about last night: We were in the great seats, secondly Tristan said before the show 'I'm really looking forward to this, I really like Jamiroquai' and thirdly in the bar before the show a guy I used to work with ten years ago recognised me and came over for a chat. This made me feel like I wasn't a complete failure now I'm in a wheelchair. I'm always told I'm not, but it's hard to think otherwise given how I feel, how I perceive I look and Sound and how much help I need. So thankyou Nicholas.
Last time I saw Jamiroquai, in Hyde park last summer, I rather uncharitably said that Jay Kay was a man 'famous for one sound and one admittedly rather funky bassline' – this may be true, but he is quite the showman 'Cosmic Girl' and 'Space Cowboy' took the lid off the place -'you can take the boy out of Essex, but you can't take Romford out of the boy',Tristan chimed in with the factually accurate 'all he used to do was bang blonde birds and drive fast cars' – how awful for him.
On a more pressing point I am terribly worried that the people I see most (and care about most) are running out of patience with the post stroke me. People are starting to treat me like my old self which is nice but is a double-edged sword because it seems to mean people stand back and watch me struggle when someome with two functioning arms, who can walk and has proper eyesight and energy could easily do it out of the goodness of their hearts if they had the common decency to do so. I wish I could do more but I can't, nothing in the world could persuade me otherwise and I'm not being a dick.
Furthermore don't be a dick! (see previous post)

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