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29 Apr 2011

Post 285: Does anyone care? Computer says NO!

Well I wrote most of this over the course of the week and it's friday today 'WE day', and trying to avoid the wedding coverage has been impossible. I've been half expecting Huw Edwards on the BBC to say 'psych'', turn all the cameras off, and apologise for wasting everyone's time – It might have been a hell of an event but the fuss about a pretty attractive girl marrying a balding chinless wonder has been excessive. I was thinking 'Nice one Will, you're batting well above your average' that said I really don't get all the fuss.
So, I was at my parents place (thankfully without my sister's 'adorable' children) this last weekend because I haven’t
worked out a way I can be at home on my own. Obviously the fact that I
have this option and my parents allow me to take it makes me
very lucky but I wish it was first on the list, despite the
fact they do what they can to make my stay comfortable. I sometimes
feel like a fish out of water, in my house I feel I know where
things are, how they work etc. Silly little things like holding cups
with hot tea, being unable to follow the mouse pointer on the screen,
the fact I can’t just wander into Mum’s masterpiece of a garden (not some sort of Freudian nightmare Euphemism) and
worst of all that I feel so shattered that the most appealing thing
seems to be transferring back into bed to get yet more rest (which bores me to tears and I'm sure makes people think less of me) –
actually, the worst thing is what a sad, pathetic loser I feel moaning
about this. There’s catharsis and there’s whingeing. I f*cking hate
the latter. To try and give myself some sense of doing something, I watched
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (part1) last Friday with Mum and
Dad and have to report it is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen.
Admittedly, it never helps having your ultra-confused Mum saying
'who's that' every minute! I do have to report from an aesthetic point
of view Hermione's looking very fine, Ron Weasleys acting is getting
less bad and Harry himself won't be able to avoid 'aren't you that
bloke who played Harry Potter?' for the rest of his life, a bit like the way Russell Brand points out that Macauley Culkin even into his 20s will always be that annoying kid in Home Alone, but the
person who I think comes out of this worst is JKRowling, I just have
this image of her desperately trying to come up with a workable yet
sensational ending surrounded by clumps of her own hair, screwed up balls
of paper and dirty twenty pound notes, scattered among read copies of
the Daily Mail and well thumbed copies of 'Mein Kampf' and Oswald
Mosely's biography. The backdrop to the 'story' is insidious, with the
Wizarding world (actually the world) being taken over by the forces of darkness led by the unbelievably evil Voldemort (being evil must be exhausting, I don't know why people bother?) and his deatheaters (begging the question why don't they just change their diet?), believing
that all non pure bloods should die - its weird enough all the spells being in Latin, I don't know about you but I can't help thinking fraulein Rowling has got a few screws loose, 'purebloods', 'mudbloods', 'muggles'.The only person able to
save the world from this fate is a group of kids headed by one who can't seem to magic away his
astigmatism! Along the way they encounter stranger and more improbable things which
have no clear explanation, a sort of 'lord of the Rings'
with kids written and directed by David Lynch, and I appreciate it's just a kids story but it still needs to make sense, it reminds me of what Bill Bailey said of Dan 'Da Vinci Code' Brown – the pudding faced murderer of prose – swapping reims of garbage for sackfulls of cash!'! No wonder mum was confused.
confused! I couldn't work out why she was directing her annoying
questions at me? I'm supposed to be the one with brain damage.
On the home front my new housekeepers have started and have been brilliant! For the first time in months I feel more relaxed which means I can try and get on with it, and more importantly my wearied septuagenarian LSPs (long suffering parents) and friends who have been helping me recently don't have to worry about me for once although I won't be able to promise that forever. Speaking of help, for the last couple of months I've had tickets to see Australian comedy and Piano genius and human Scarecrow Tim Minchin at the Albert Hall last Night. I've seen Minchin a couple of times before and he is amazing – probably a better Pianist than my hero Bill Bailey and the sort of empirical atheist evidence based irreverent comic ranting that I love. His language is also pretty severe which meant I was thrilled to have my old schoolmate Owen as my compatriot and not say my quite religious and traditional parents. I would have just died and wished the ground would have swallowed me because he pulls no punches and metaphorically throttles those who have no evidence for what they believe in! We were in the good seats and have to reiterate for the umpteenth time how magical the Albert Hall is. Sod the wedding – that was proper entertainment.
In other news, I am grateful to have found a PC repairman because without my PC I can literally do nothing -My ground to a halt life would go into reverse. At best my PC sounds like an industrial refrigerator, at worst a diesel generator with the enduring experience sounding like an old cross channel ferry, but by Tuesday this should all be fixed, for John was able to come round within a day and diagnose the problem and order the part to be with him to come and fix it on Tuesday. It may cost a bit but I will pay for peace of mind. I've also finally managed to upload all my mixes from 2002-2004, it's only taken me seven years , which are much less sh*t than I imagined. I think the time is drawing to a close for trying to find a partner, I've unearthed a few hearts of gold but there is always something missing and the common factor is me – I'm just not up to scratch, which I keep being told.

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