is reasonably satisfied that I am taking criticism better but I’m still a ’miserable bugger’, fair enough I suppose but part of her solution is for me to adhere to the old cliché ‘if you haven’t got something nice to say, don’t say it at all'. This is a nice idea but as you'll see later on it's not that I wouldn’t have nothing to say but I’d better not boast about it. ‘what’s that you say? I just have. Oh f*ck.I guess if I'm to desperately grope for a theme, whoops, I've split an infintive, not a mortal sin I suppose just something that only the biggest grammar Nazis or Trekkies will care about so I'll boldy go to teasingly endeavour to say something interesting/funny but let's not get our hopes up. I barely survive these days and I have access to this computer and the interweb. Living life for me is metaphorically like living in 56K dial-up land, I remember writing what seemed like ages ago how much I was looking forward to getting my new van which would improve everyone's life. Well it's still not here even though I jumped the gun a bit, by getting excited back at the end of February, after the coachwork conversion people said that vital parts they'd ordered from Japan had been delayed by the tsunami. Maybe this terrible tragedy did delay things but my finely tuned Bulls*t detector has deafened me. That hardly matters, still no sign of my new van, they're estimating till the end of next week – it's simple really – there are some things in life that you can do nothing about, there's a classic example coming up, so, there's no point worrying about them although I'm hardly practising what I preach this second, but as an example, when driving, has getting angry with someone in another car ever done anything other than cause amusement or consternation for the passenger of your car, I don't think this is a bad observation ergo 'road rage' being utterly pointless. Speaking of which, any point or theme seems to once again have gone AWOL. The point I think I was in danger of starting to make, in fact that I'm reiterating is that without my computer or the interweb I'd be utterly lost, I am at pains to even understand how we did anything before it existed – obviously this is more acute for me because I hate talking on the phone because of my damaged voice and fatigue. The internet has allowed me to write all of this so I can introduce the real me to strangers and let my existing friends know about what's going on.
I have found carers through Gumtree, old and new friends through Facebook, in fact a new friend who had been badly let down by her job and had nowhere to sleep but her car sent me an SOS and pitched up on my doorstep – as she once took the trouble to take me out to lunch and battle her way round the snow-closed M25 to take me to a concert. Kindness will always beget kindness in my book, and she has been so brilliant,filling in for my housekeepers and utting up with me. I won't have someone sleeping in their car if I can help. She also told me the funniest story, on going to see a warehouse share in High Barnet the other day she was somewhat surprised to find one of the 'girls' living there was a 6'8” pre-op transexual, she was ever so slightly taken aback by he/she/its comment 'they've done a great job on you, who's your surgeon? The perils of being a 6'2” girl eh? Well being complimented on your Op by a transexual may sound like a horrific insult (albeit unintentional, somewhere up there with offering a fat girl your seat on public transport because you think she's pregnant) but given how immaculate transexuals keep themselves I think it's rather a compliment, I'm probably rapidly digging a hole here!
So, at least I've been able to be of some use but I was especially chuffed by the visit of Dan and his mum
on Wednesday, Dan used to be a fairly decent DJ years ago when he was one half of the Cheshire Catz,
probably still is and as there's a slight cross- dressing theme to today's post it is pure coicidence that his DJing partner in crime was called Jon but now goes by the DJ name Poppy Cox, 
thought you'd find that interesting. Dan has kept up with my post-stroke progress by reading this and got back in touch with me the other day to share the life changing experience meditation has given him. Before my stroke my mind would have been closed to this but I trust Dan. He may have Done some Crazy stuff in his time but he knows better than to make this up. False Hope is one currency I'd like to remain short of.Just to reinforce the point that I should always keep my expectations low the perfect carers
who have been living with me for the last few weeks have found a better deal so have quite understandably had to take that. After all one of their main aims must be to make money but in the few weeks they were here they gave me a glimpse of what genuine semi independent assisted living might look like. They have also said that they're just down the road if I ever need help but I will miss having them about in the morning and evenings, their attention to detail and keeping the house immaculate plus their wonderful cooking, their can-do attitude and scrupulous honesty. I am gutted but completely understand their need to take this other job. The style in which I am writing this should be proof enough that they had improved things around here (for once) They are even helping me find replacements.Some decent news for me at least was getting to see Simon
on Wednesday evening, I suspect that his patience with me might be growing a little thin because I'm probably less of a laugh than I used to be. He's a good mate but he's only human. Christ, a girl who I had been in a relationship for 7 years and professed to love me left me in early 2008, well, probably mentally well before that as she soon got married to someone else, Even though I think i'm pretty much over that my mental health is still not fully rehabilitated. Oh dear, I've digressed and gone all self indulgent again!As Simon and I were always best at laughing we were off to see Comedian and top bloke Stephen K Amos
at the Hammersmith Apollo last night but that plan was thwarted by the garage who were supposed to be doing a minor repair. Repeatedly ignoring our requests to return it yesterday or today because we needed it urgently. What's wrong with this country? They seem to not give a solitary sh*t about keeping the customer happy!I could scream, c****s - imagine not being able at the 11th hour to see one of your favourite comedians (and you bought tickets months ago) because a moron couldn't be arsed to get someone to deliver the van the 5 mins back to my house despite repeated calls, c****. Amos quite rightly came in for some flack about his BBC2 TV show because he played the 'race card' too hard and some of the Stereotyping might have been appropriate in the 1970s but not now, ie a black man driving a car, the car must be stolen. Pish. Noone thinks that – well, let's hope not. I suppose there is Ironic racism, that's one dangerous flame he has been burnt by failing to get the tail anywhere near the donkey, I'll eat my words if he gets a 2nd series, at least straight away Anyway stand-up is what he does best but there's little point me trying to pretend I'm not furious. C****!
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