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17 Jul 2011

More drama that I could have done without

Sadly for a change (!) this is not going to be the most uplifting entry because I have just spent the last week in the earthbound equivalent of hell, an NHS hospital, Kingston to be precise. And this has made me think of one or two ironical observations. Firstly, Surely, if there's one man who's had enough of the inside of hospitals -it's me? Oh that's right -life isn't f*cking fair! My second observation is much more important, it is why these places, remember imo, some of the worst in the world are almost always staffed by angels. I was in and out of consciousness last week after what I thought was a routine procedure to remove a gangrenous appendix but somewhere along the way I ended up in intensive care where a bodybag is a popular way out. The reason I'd ended up there was I failed to wake up properly from the operation and got another nasty lung infection – it ended up being pretty far from routine, it's probably put me back a year and I'm in constant pain. The people who work in intensive care I reckon are among the most incredible people in the world. Most of us are unfit to breathe the same air as them. So that means Jo and student Nurse Ellen plus Oscar, Bev, Sue and Sanjay. I am in awe. I also feel an apology is due, on Sunday night I was in too much pain to sleep and Oscar kept coming in when I groaned and would say words to the effect of 'it's 3am – go to sleep!' I was relaying this story the next day to Jo and Bev saying that this bloke Oscar had similar features/mannerisms to the killer in 'No Country for old men' 30 seconds later Jo revealed to me that Bev was actually married to Oscar!Luckily she saw the funny side! The time I spent in intensive care was the most excrutiatingly painful hospital time I've ever done. Minutes were hours, I couldn't move, there was nothing I could do. The only thing that saved me was a surprise visit from my friend Anna on the Monday who is one of the nicest people in the world whilst gently trying to talk with Jo and Ellen. It's so hard in this situation to try and find anything to remotely lift your spirits because everything that makes who you are is gone. So I can only conclude it is the people around you who help raise your spirits at all, in this case the remarkable good humour of the nurses and people who turned up as if by magic. Seriously, I know I've said it before, but visiting someone in hospital who's not expecting you will make both your years, the converse is if you say you're going to visit and then don't. It is devastating, this is based on bitter, bitter experience, no names will ever be mentioned but I'm hoping that a few people feel a chill. That's the extent of any retribution I have. I know, it's rubbish. And finally special thanks are due to my friend Jo who was there when I woke up. I do apologise for being a bit tearful, but I couldn't ever forget the lovely Astor ward nurses, Soph and Abby plus I'm also incredibly grateful to my best friends from University Vicky and Tony for seemingly dropping what they were doing and coming to see me, the same can be said of my parents. Feeling that you're trying to cope alone is terrible. There must be plenty of people who do, I don't even know How it could be done. Now, it's time to completely change the subject. There seem to be people who are determined to hate me because I'm a bit posh. Apparently this marks you out as someone out of touch and therefore disqualified from discussing certain things. I don't care what anyone says, it's often how I've been made to feel. This video will make them hate me more, you can go f*ck yourselves, I'm no 'Tim, nice but Dim'. It was video taken in 2004 at one of my favourite places in the world – Royal St Georges in Sandwich in Kent where this years British Open Golf Champioship is being played for the first time since 2003. Tony and Vicky (who came to see me in hospital and set up my TV in hospital so I could watch bits of it -they're also in that golf video along with my legend of a friend Richard. Seeing me *rse around and speak and stand normally has fair made me cry. The last thing I want to bluster about is the brilliance of the Surgeons. While I'm on the subject of Posh these guys had just the correct amount of British Airways airline pilot swagger to leave you in no doubt that plunging a knife into you was just the right (no, the ONLY) thing to be doing, so thanks James Kirkby-Bott who must have been around my age. These people are amazing. Finally, a friend of mine found this clip of me being set-up back in 2004 – I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, although I will apologise for the language.All of that said, I have just bode farewell to the whole Denning Clan (Vicky,PJ, Milly and Gemima) who came round for an English PicNic (ie an indoor one). I feel unworthy of having such great friends, and guess what? I don't give a sh*t how posh they are - all I know is that they give a sh*t

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