30 Jul 2011

Post 299: More self indulgence, only complain with a good reason

A slight supplemental (ok, so a pretty long one) to my last post because I have managed to miss yet more things that I would have given my collection of Hens teeth (whatever they are – apparently they're rare but they sound worthless) to go to but being honest I don't think I'm fully past the pain my operation wounds have been giving me so I didn't want to 'shoot myself in the foot to spite my face' [Thankyou Lizzie Catt for that GEM] One-day, I really must compile these few mixed metaphors to produce something genuinely amusing. It may yet be a triumph among dogturds.
Anyway, moving on, I managed to miss (on Saturday) the engagement drinks of close college friend Mel who seems to have got engaged to Lucas the Canadian male development equivalent of her and he's 'pretty hot (according to her although objectively I think I can see where she's coming from) ( to the layman development is saving the world and asks difficult questions like 'after the wars how on earth are we going to rebuild Iraq and Afganistan? Neo-conservatives would presumably say 'who cares, we won, yee-haa?' but I am glad that there are people who think about it. The world is surely advanced enough to stop people suffering and dying from preventable diseases, violence and hunger. I know my suffering is nothing like this but when you struggle to survive you feel an affinity with other people who suffer, I'm pretty sure this a post stroke thing – I still take the p*ss out of idealists and people who complain 'the world's just not fair' too right, that's just the way it is – it is worth trying to make things fairer but not by being aggressive,violent and angry, usually at this stage someone chips in sarcastically with 'that's right Dom, everyone should just be happy in their place', my answer is mixed, firstly I believe strongly in social mobility and betterment but I am also very Darwinian in my view that people deserve to be treated as equals but we are not equals. I believe strongly in what neuroscientist Jill Bolte-Taylor

says -'we are all just brothers and Sisters on this planet, here to make the world a better place' – this may sound a bit hippy for me but it was so well put by her, someone who survived a (very different but very serious) stroke, it's a phrase I now fully subscribe to. I subscribe to a very realistic, empirical, liberal, compassionate, evidence – based, view of the world – what I – slighy cockilly call – 'the non-dicks view of the world, it dovetails nicely with my 'Don't be a dick' philosophy
-this is also a time when I am going to bring up something which'll make you brand me a hypocrite, one of the things I try my hardest to avoid. Why do people get so hacked off by Bono or the song 'Another day in Paradise' by Phil Collins. Because aside from the fact that it's Bono and Phil Collins, they're both millionaires that think they can tell anyone anything about poverty and homelessness, it's like Jeremy Kyle telling a crackhead single mum that he's 'been there'.It's not on. I will just say that I get wound up by people who complain, but I complain all the time, but I can put up with myself because I've got GOOD REASON to complain. I've been brought up never to 'cry wolf' for instance I get furious with the 8 year old next door when he screams and shouts for no reason. Not only is it the worst noise in the world but it means in future if he screams if something serious happens people are likely to ignore him and it'll be too late. The same is true of 1930s Man Ron in Draper's ward at Putney ( towards the end of the post) feb2008, those posts are emotionally dylan, apart from his tendecy to 'cry wolf' Other than that he's a great kid. Polite, Helpful, interested in everything are just a few of the things that spring to mind. I think most people would be happy if they had a kid of his age turn out like Dylan. So complaining, I complain about feeling ill and tired a lot because these were among some of the more unfortunate and debilitating effects of my brain injury alongside not just being able to walk around, talk properly and have the normal use of ANY of my muscles or eyesight. I can tell I'm no picnic of a human and so I won't try and promise too much of myself but I will spend a disproportionate amount of my time looking for a significant other although it seems like a lost cause a lot of the time. I have listened to enough autobiographies and without exception married men talk about how important their wive's are at being the most important thing in the world. I WANT TO FEEL THIS! I know the girl will have to be unusually special and finding her will be much harder but once she is found she will be treated like the most valuable thing in he world if we click (whatever that means). I hate publishing these on here but it seems to make sense. Simply put it is my latest dating profile that I use on a few sites: Maybe you'll be able to see more clearly than me why I get so much of that most delightful of sounds, silence:
I have been doing this for three years as it is the only way I have of meeting new people, and if that doesn't put you off read on, the rest probably will! I was lucky to live after a major stroke changed my life completely on Christmas bloody day 2005. Since that day life hasn't really been 'sunshine and lollipops'. I have adapted(ish) but there has always been somebody missing and this sort of dating has been a teensy bit demoralising if I'm honest.. I probably used to be a 'catch'(tall, pretty good looking, intelligent, independent, financially self sufficient, positive, good friends, great family .I had hoped to be a buyer, now I hope to be a writer someday. Write to me, I'll make it worth your while. Any of those 'timesaver' template messages, sounding like you haven't read this or if you haven't got a pic will be automatically deleted, please don't take the p*ss. When I look past the pitch black hilarity of all this, I appreciate I have been lucky to live, to have kept most of my mind, loads of great mates, such a supportive family, a place to live almost independently (Oxshott nr Epsom) and the sort of pension most people dream about – it's not riches but it gets me by and keeps me in important stuff. I would hazard it's enough to keep a family on.
I'm looking for a beautiful, educated Angel to make laugh (I'm afraid it has to be someone I fancy, if I don't reply I probably just don't fancy the sound or look of you plus typing anything much these days is a huge undertaking), I'm looking for someone to share decent red wine and conversation with, who has a can-do attitude to life, loves live concerts and feels that their life will be completed by helping someone who has really suffered. I have fairly strong morals but am a pretty radical atheist and Empiricist, some might say I'm a bit cynical, but I'm no fool. If you write to me looking like you've read this and it sounds like you're up for this, I will reply. You'll have to be able to drive and not mind coming here for tea to meet me, because I can't travel. I will also send you a link to something that will prove my story beyond all doubt because the lengths wrong'uns will go shocks me Well, I know I'm not always right but I'm no wrong'un.
I have tried so hard to be normal again but six years of trying doesn't seem to me to have yielded genuine tangible improvements to my fatigue or physical independence. I am allowed to complain about this, I've earnt it, because I have a legitimate reason but the world hate's complainers particularly those with no reason to complain and those who don't even try to do anything about it i.e. people who complain about being tired and ill and do nothing about their diet or exercise routine, I only say this because I was able to lose 2.5 stone between summer 2010 and summer 2008 by changing my diet and physio regime and I can't even exercise properly, surely if a sedentary person who's a bit fed up can do that a normal person could do it , and an equivalent of all that weight would be ridding yourself of depression or illness. This is just my opinion of course, sadly it is the unyielding nature of my brain injury that keeps that weight loss as just weight loss, it doesn't translate into improved fatigue, better balance or more independence at least it hasn't yet -although hopefully over the next couple of weeks I am going for the 3rd option I've taken with medication for fatigue. Ritalin was a disaster, Keppra did nothing.Let's see what Fampridine does? I'm only a little nervous. One of the big points of this post has been lost and haven't I gone on?! Back in April I was rightly very rude about the Penultimate Harry Potter, so earlier in the week my good mate Will Dugdale, pictured here at his amazing wedding last year that I couldn't get too because of the snow , well I think they look amazing, and the album from the wedding shows that the weather didn't spoil it. Far from it, but thankyou Will for taking me out last week. This last Harry Potter was 1000 times better than the one before. Sorry for going on and all the self indulgent crap.


Anonymous said...

Hi Dom

I think you do need to work on your dating profile - nobody finds these things easy so I hope you take the criticism in the spirit it's intended.

First, much of your focus is looking back at what you were and what you've lost. No one's going to be interested beyond knowing that you have some physical limitations. So you need much more emphasis on what you are now and where you want to be in future. Tell us more about you, your interests, your hopes. What makes you you and special.

Second, it almost comes over as hostile when you say that you won't reply to anyone who does't come up to scratch either in terms of looks or in terms of whether they've read your profile well enough. Hardly welcoming! So some poor girl gets in touch and when she doesn't hear back from you she's left feeling wholly inadequate. Be a bit more open. As you say, you're not getting swamped with girls so a quick two liner to say thanks for getting in touch but I don't think we're quite right for each other won't kill you.

And that brings me to the third thing - you seem to be trying to appeal to someone who will look past the stroke and see the real Dom. But the real Dom seems to be someone who just wants the trophy girlfriend and sounds pretty superficial. How about you looking past the obvious and seeking the real qualities of importance and not just physical beauty? It is possible to fancy someone with a great sense of humor. Or a nice smile. But not drop dead gorgeous. You might even find that some people with disabilities are pretty nice too ;-)

Good luck with it all - I have my own challenges and know some of what you are going through

Dom P said...

Thanks for taking the time to write that

Anonymous said...

What a brain-dead response: what goes around comes around?
But at least if she believes in karma - the hurt that comment made (even to me!) will come back to haunt her. How does she explain children getting strokes? Must be original sin.

Dom P said...

right comment/wrong post Lou. Look at my facebook wall -monster debate on my wall



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