19 Feb 2012

Post 332: Square pegs in round holes?

I'm not too sure what to write today, as I feel a bit like a square peg in a round hole. I don't want to waste my time, or more importantly yours, on something that ends up with you thinking 'what a moaning c***' because that's not the core message I want to get across although I'm probably shutting the stable door after calling the kettle black (oh come on, it's been a while since I put in a good mixed metaphor).
I've written goodness knows how many posts on the subject of how always being positive is complete bullsh*t and totally unrepresentative of any reality I've ever experienced before or after my stroke. I only say this because I have to live most of my life vicariously through my computer these days, which is not to say I'm some online Warcraft or virtual world freakshow. Facebook and dare I say 'dating' websites is where I meet people these days, either existing friends or new ones and sadly it is the closest I can get to regularly sitting and chatting to people – it is obviously a disappointing second to actually chatting and laughing with real people but that's the way it goes. Before my stroke I used to post on a couple of websites and I think it's fair to say I got quite a thick skin and a certain 'don't mess with me' online style from them which is probably why I am more comfortable with swearing than most people, having re-read my thoughts on swearing from August 2010 I'm not sure my position has changed. Perhaps my position on offending people has changed a bit. If someone called me a spastic to my face and then ran off I'd be upset but not as much as if someone let me down, betrayed my trust, took advantage of me or told me they couldn't be bothered with me. This, to me, is totally different from being offended by the use of bad language. My attitude to this is 'it's fine to get offended by bad language that is directed at you but if it is impersonal, describes another person or group (even a group with which you vaguely associate) then f*cking grow up, I'm hardly Tony Montana.
As comedian Steve Hughes says 'nothing happens, it's not like you'll wake up the next day with Leprosy'. I only say this as someone who swears a lot and get's called a 'see you next Tuesday' quite a bit, but fundamentally I'm not a racist, homophobe or misogynist and I'm a fully paid-up member of the 'don't be a dick' school of ethics Usually things are pretty clear if we're just having a 'bit of banter', apparently it's the British way. If we need to be serious we can be. I guess my online conditioning has come from these pre-stroke websites. I cannot stand falseness or pretentiousness in people, it drives me mad and I just can't let it go. The reason I get wound up was I was once unfortunate enough to go to the Notting Hill Arts club in the early noughties. Loads of people wearing stupid Ironic Clothes, nodding their heads to some crossover Jazz/Funk rubbish and thinking 'aren't we avant-garde and cool' Since then I haven't been able to stop myself calling rubbish, rubbish or getting annoyed with people who pretend to like stuff they actually hate 'because it's cool', sorry, I probably am over stating this but that's how I see the world. I'm non judgemental till I see something that makes me mental. Er, no offence to anyone who loves the NHAC. Actually f*ck it -of course there is. OK, maybe dressed up in over-harsh language there but fundamentally I was being rude about pretentious dickheads – anyone who chooses to not like me based on that is over-reacting, girls (well it is mostly girls) seem to think I am being rude, I am a bit rude, but mostly I think I'm just being irreverent. There's this charge of 'negativity' that comes with any antipathy I get. If I'm a bit more negative than average it's because I go with the humour of the prevailing comedy I go and see or the satire I see on TV or read online. You also won't be surprised to hear that your whole life being ruined doesn't exactly make you the most positive person in the world! It is some small comfort that I am apparently more entertaining and positive than some people who have their health. I always find myself asking 'why?', seriously, just not having had a stroke is reason enough to be happy in my book. Of course, unsurprisingly, a book that not many people have read. It was as recently as the beginning of this month that I wrote a post that I had given the working title of false positives Probably because I was fuming at the 'happy-clappy' always be positive brigade, approximately the same people who say 'my mother always told me, if you haven't got anything nice to say, say nothing', brigade - f*ck off – that makes you boring and I'm bored enough not to be bored even more. To try and diminish this boredom I went to go and see Mezzo Soprano Katherine Jenkins at the Hammersmith Apollo on Thursday night
– 2 immediate reasons this is not pretentious, have you heard her sing and have you seen how gorgeous she is? The other reasons are of course that it got me out of the house and I got to see Rachel. It was originally going to be Rachel and her rather cool mum, but a last minute change meant that it was Rach and her lovely friend Josie.
Rach and I had seen Miss Jenkins at a sodden Hampton Court in the Summer and we had both thought KJ incredible
mainly from the perspective of 'that voice from that body', plus she just sounds so nice, sweet, unpretentious and lovely when she talks although apparently she can be a bit of a stroppy diva, compare her with Adele, ok, it's different music, and Adele's new image is an improvement.
Adele may have 'the voice of an angel' when she sings but she sounds like a London cabbie when she talks. Her Grammy acceptance speech is exhibit A , I know who I'd rather wake up next to.
My new housekeepers (Gary and Gwen) are moving in as I type,
hopefully a new beginning (certainly for the cats) but also for me. Just because it was a classic, on the way to seeing Katherine Jenkins on Thursday, Rach was telling me about her new job as Head of Physics at a catholic school which in my head sounds funny already. She's not remotely religious but she told me when she had first started on seeing the rings on one of the monks fingers by way of making polite conversation she said 'so have you got any children?'. Brilliant. Faith schools. Borderline child abuse in my opinion. I've also been lucky enough to be visited by a couple of old mates this which makes such a difference. First there was Charlie 'the kaner' Kane,
an old drinking buddy. The last time I'd seen him I was in hospital, and since then he's moved, it turns out down the road which is a pleasant coincidence, at least for me. The 2nd person to have made the effort was my former colleague and useful sounding board Will.
He reminded me of a few choice incidents from my time at John Lewis. Last but not least was the lovely Chey,
a new local mate. Not only is she lovely but I think that we're going to take in some local comedy soon. At least some people appreciate the effort I'm putting into life. I won't suck up to anyone though. F*ck that.


Exiled_Angel said...

Rachel's mum IS awesome. She used to teach me biolog, (which is what I went on to teach at uni - I'm sure Rachel is as good a teacher!

Adele, good lord - she can sing, but should not be allowed to speak! Not giving England/London a great name (not that we had one)

Dom P said...

Such a small world Tannith. I was always quite anti-Adele - now she's really blotted her copybook. I hate to be voicist but she's given me reason... she sounds rough as arseholes...

bagel said...

Cool to hear you have some new people moving in mate!



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