I wish this was endless comedy, but it's not - I used to post a lot, but hardly anymore because I don't have the energy. It was a sort of journal/diary of a bloke trying to get on with his life after having a massive stroke without warning on Christmas day 2005 (age 28). dompardey(@)gmail(.)com. I spend more time on fbook these days although the agressive political ranting is a bit much. I don't bring up that sort of thing unless absolutely necessary. I'm just trying to meet new local friends
I'm afraid it's difficult to point to anything much and say 'that's good'! A friend of mine once described me as ' you were always such a happy, positive, energetic person' All I can say is 'I wish that were true today'.
The best I seem to be able to offer today is 'realism' and the avoidance of anything that is patently bollocks. Maybe it is my like of mainstream comedy but I often get told off for being 'too negative'. I am a sarcastic bastard, this is true and I do get wound up a bit easier than I'd like. That said, I am pretty laid back because getting wound up takes energy, but I'm hardly louche or laissez-faire, it's only because I know that a vast majority of bad things in my life have been the result of bone idleness by other people. I am really into efficiency these days, ie when energy is at a premium, it makes sense to utilise your resources in as efficient a manner as you can, I can understand there being a few eyes glazing over at this but I can assure you I'm not a crushing bore, I can't think of anything worse to be. The other day someone I knew absolutely accurately described someone as 'the man that charisma forgot' which to me is a beautiful putdown of this guy. The bloke is a f*ckknuckle.
This illustrates an important point, I detest the notion that we should 'all just love one another' No we bloody shouldn't, that's as ridiculous as saying 'always be positive'. Above being kind, we should approach one another as not being stupid, ignorant, lazy or false. Speaking of which my position of intense vulnerability has (as you can probably tell) been exposed again showing me that it's so difficult to trust anyone when you're in my shoes, and what worries me is that my condition wears down even the kindest people to the point they just can't help themselves but screw me over. Obviously this isn't true of everyone but it's happened a worrying number of times since my stroke and life is hard enough. This is happening because I need people more than they need me it seems. Just yesterday my old housekeeper left a particularly nasty message on this very blog that I have deleted because it was full of swearing, grammatical inaccuracies and several unpleasant references to hurting my mother. Here was a guy I trusted and I thought wouldn't say boo to a goose. He was here for eight months and he turned out to be a nasty little liar. First it turns out his cousin who did my weekends wasn't a cousin, this washed him of any responsibility for this guy's behaviour. A funny one but a breach of trust all the same. When I had complained said cousin had been living here in secret and even smoked upstairs. His message simply said 'Abeer is not my cousin. I just helped him get a part time job. and even if he was it's his business if he steals money from you. it's none of my business. and thank god he was just smoking. he should have burnt the house down.'
I ask this – is this my character flaw or his?
I am pretty positive it's his. However seeing as this keeps happening I'm worried it's mine. Luckily this nasty oxygen thief has run back to the third world where he can make his wife cry with even more impunity. I'm sure this is a stereotypical prejudice but it makes me so angry when I hear about it.
All I want to do is live the rest of my life as free from difficulty and hardship or being screwed over. I aim to make the people who I care about happy. I only have energy for good things! What an unpleasant chapter -thankfully now over. Still, I feel dirty and think I have shown considerable restraint. Future housekeepers, people, anyone -this is not at all what this blog is about – this should be an inspiring story about the better parts of my post stroke experience. It's that time of year though.