Post 334: Having some perspective

It's become clear that I go on too much, these blog posts are too long and boring, not exactly music to my ears but hardly something I could argue with. Although people don't say it often, they don't half think it loudly. Miserable, is also an accusation I can take on the chin because I think people can relate to it, and what's more, I spend a lot of time saying that miserable people have no reason to be miserable if they haven't had a stroke. There has been a fly in the ointment, a pigeon among the cats etc. this week, I alluded to seeing a neurologist a while ago and sadly he prognosticated that the malformation that had caused the stroke is still there. Last time we talked about it he had opted for the 'wait and see' approach. I had a scan in January time, and the results have meant 'wait and see' has been upgraded to 'let's deal with it'. I'll be honest, I'm sh*tting myself (not a literal stroke related thing), and what scares me more is that the consultant seriously suggested open brain surgery. I obviously said 'no way' to that but because it was even mooted the AVM must be serious. The long and the short of it is that at end of March I have to have a general anaesthetic angiogram likely followed by another general anaesthetic for Gamma Knife radiosurgery. I was conscious last time I had this kind of surgery and it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I'm usually fine with general anaesthetics but since I struggled to wake up from one in the summer, I am a little apprehensive. The idea that I should be nervous is laughable in the light of a docu-series called World War Two: The last heroes

which I have been watching, if you want to understand serious braveness then you need look no further, I struggle with the arduousness of day to day life in a centrally heated suburban semi, these guys faced death literally in every second, not only do I not have any reason to think my life is tough, none of us has when compared to what these guys put themselves through. End of. I think we often forget this, I know I sometimes think I'm more significant than I actually am. No I'm not.

I'll try and make these things shorter and more interesting from now on. That's a hell of a challenge.