28 Mar 2012

Post 340: Another year, life affirmed again

Well obviously, lots of this post is going to be about my 35th birthday lunch. This photo sums it up well,

the people on the outside are Gary and Gwen who now do an awesome job looking after me and in the middle is Bianca, who used to be my weekend carer. Three people who are making such a difference to my life.
I'm lucky to have friends and even friends that care but it's even more important to have carers that are friends when you're in a hole as deep and dark as I am. It's not therefore a huge surprise I'm alone when it comes to love.
A male mate of mine the other day said I was lousy at being alone when I was able-bodied – I'm now lousy to the power n, still have my old standards and girls are not interested. I shouldn't be surprised but it doesn't seem to make it any easier. All this crap you read on dating sites about looks not being important is just that, crap, and I don't care how many times people tell me I look the same, I don't!
Anyway, f*ck all that – the thing that matters was that my 35th birthday lunch on Sunday was uplifting and well attended. Organising it would be positively difficult if I was able bodied but the way I have to organise it now is frankly farcical!
I have to use the facebook invite system. Problems: Not everyone I want to invite even uses the internet, letalone has even heard of facebook and some people can't access it. Then there are those that ignore all facebook invites because of the sheer volume of spam. As a former clubber the sheer volume of sh*te is phenomenal. NO I DON'T FANCY LISTENING TO SOME 'BANGING TUNES' IN SOME SOUTH LONDON SH*THOLE ON A SUNDAY MORNING, one of these days I'm going to write back and say 'sorry, can't imagine anything worse', oh by the way 'I'm in a wheelchair and have chronic fatigue' restraining myself from adding anything else. I've just got off an instant message chat with an old mate from clubbing days, a guy called Danny Gilligan,

I hope I didn't bring him down. He said lots of encouraging things, said it was a balmy 42'C in Melbourne, did his level best to try and persuade me that things sounded like they were getting better and that the way I have gone about my life since my stroke has raised his estimation of me in his and a lot of peoples eyes (crikey, did they really think that little of me?).
Anyway, my birthday. Getting the exact numbers via RSVPs was the usual nightmare bearing in mind my utter reliance on the facebook system. Despite this it was a pretty good turnout, I estimated 40 (and it could have been anywhere between 10 and 70, so 40 being the mathematical median (probably) made sense. probably about 40 people (pure luck)plus about a million little people showed up and my friend Gaelle had volunteered her angel of a daughter Lucie (left)

to do some face painting (supposedly for the kids)– such a pity I don't have any pictures of some rather sheepish looking adults leaving with interesting moustaches and cats whiskers, ah ha just found one and raher unbelievably this cavalier fellow helped me put my will together in a little bit more detail than me leaving my worldly goods to a cat home. My brother now has a material interest in bumping me off, as do a couple of my friends. That's a nice thought.

Like last year my mate Chris did some unbelievable close up magic

and had children and adults equally befuddled, he is ridiculously good and he revealed to me that he's been doing a stand up comedy course to slot in with his magic as if we're not vexed enough? If anyone can pull a rabbit out of a hat (ahem) and make it work it's him and he's promised not to be as grim and nihilistic as Scottish comedy magician Jerry Sadowitz.

Some of the stuff Sadowitz comes out with is so unrepeatable that even I won't repeat it here. But it is so funny. The people who I must thank are of course my parents who bought the first round and collected money and paid £5 per head on top so we could get the best buffet. I always wish we were the type of family who could just pay for this but we're not, we contribute everything we can. It is life affirming that people actually turn up for this because I am a lot less fun than I used to be. Sadly, I think people turn up because of who I used to be rather than for the entity I am today. I know people get annoyed by how down on myself I get but I have to live feeling like this. Surely something worse than a life sentence in my view (even a death sentence). Despite this and the intense non-positive feelings it generates I do try to make the most of this sh*t. This birthday party every year is exhibit A, there were some great photos (courtesy of my parents) here (Ignore the really bad ones) putting them all on here would result in the longest blog post in the world and these things are already too long plus this is not f*cking Hello!

I Guess my point is that I want to express more gratitude than ever to my family, friends, old and new and the Bear for allowing me a day of humanity, a day when I can remember that it can be ok, and that life only derives value from interactions with other humans, it was important for me – exhibit B and many like it are the gig I foolishly went to the night before when I should have been resting. It always seems to happen this way. Unfortunately, I had bought the tickets for it months before. It was to see two electronic music producers who call themselves Nero at a sold outBrixton Academy. Ostensibly they are a dubstep outfit (I is down wiv da kids aiight even though I feel 100 years older than everyone) but having now seen them they have stolen the Chemical Brothers Act – basically a couple of guys who look like they're checking their emails,

while a huge soundsystem pumps out some crazy synthetic sounds. The best Album I bought last year was Nero's d├ębut effort.

What made the night special was taking a couple of my mates and running into some friends there. Firstly, I met up with Oli,

who takes me to loads of gigs these days, when I asked him ages ago if he could take me to this, he said 'already going mate'. Secondly was Emma, aka Minimoo, an old clubbing mate who was taking her 16 year old son out to his first gig.

Emma is hilarious. I think her son Dinks was only marginally embarrassed to have a mum who was dancing as energetically as most of the kids. My mate Simon,

who had driven me deadpaned 'it's nice to see Emma's calmed down' – even ten years ago there was no keeping up with her eccentricities. Topping the evening off was arranging to meet Bianca there. She was a bit worried that my first picture of her might make her look like a stereotypical Sheila.

We banished that thought by taking this one.

Seeing as I started off by talking about how important it is to have carers who become friends, it does make me feel that despite the fact I am an adult who needs help, not all people automatically resent you – my former carers, Mauritian couple Jeanmichel and his wife Annelise popped by with Delicious Thai food last night

to share a glass of wine – gosh that's how a normal evening should be!
Last but not least I want to thank my super cute friend Steph

for popping in for tea on Saturday. Fine, so she admitted she'd got the day wrong, but decided she'd get more time to actually talk to me if she came on her own. What a nice thing to do.

1 comment:

nurul iman said...

Thank you very Steady info ... hopefully more successful.
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