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1 Apr 2012

Post 341: I'd make a lousy feminist, no, diplomat

So, what can of worms can I open today? I unwittingly started a quite emotive and vocal argument on facebook the other day after I read an article in the Guardian (I don’t make a habit of reading that toilet roll),

the title of the article looked interesting: ‘I want to be alone, the rise and rise of living solo’ and my comment was:

I reckon this is a sad endemic sign of people caring less about each other and more about themselves. We're sh*t.

As a person who used to live on his own from age22-28, and someone who now definitely doesn’t want to be alone I thought this was an interesting discussion. It’s my raison d’ĂȘtre these days, seeing as I can’t work, I try and put a stop to anyone else doing any – I’m a drain on society!
I then commented based on my own observation of the above average number of female dating profiles I’ve perused and the spirit-crushing wall of silence I get that girls these days seemed totally unwilling to compromise their independence, even though I was instantly buried under an avalanche of feminism, I dug deeper by saying that if a woman had flat decided to not have children, this could be a pointer of ‘selfish’ tendencies. Now, I think, I think, that that’s very different from saying, ‘all women who absolutely decide that they don’t want children are selfish’. Let me make this clear – I don’t think that at all. Oh well, wasn’t I suddenly the kings horse?

I respect people’s (and particularly womens) decision not to have kids absolutely and where my thoughts on the matter lie is particularly fraught. On the one hand (the hand for having kids) all my friends who’ve had kids talk about how it’s ‘the best thing they’ve ever done’, how ‘little Johnny is an angel’ or how ‘she’s our life’ etc etc. I’d also like to have a kid for my mother’s sake. Mainly to shut her up! But seriously, I see how happy they make her and I see how much she resents not being surrounded by grandchildren,

crikey, I got told off recently because my will didn’t favour my niece and nephews enough. The downsides to having kids in my case is my inability to cope with noise and the fact that a father as disabled as I would not be a good father to very young children – it’s similar but it’d be a lot worse than the pain I feel not being able to run after and pick up my cats. Anyway, before we take a turn down Melancholia avenue, seeing as there was a bit of a feminist theme going in today’s post, the plan for Saturday night had been to go and see ‘Northern Lass’ and all around top bird comedienne Sarah Millican

– Now, here is a great Role model for someone who doesn’t conform to modern, tabloid or heat magazine aesthetics but just gets on with it by being intelligent and funny. This sounds desperately tautologous, but I like her, because she is so likeable. She’ll never win ‘slimmer of the year’ or ‘Britain’s next Top Model’ but she has her own show on the BBC and she’s selling out the Hammersmith Apollo

two nights running in a recession. That’s making 6000+ miserable Londoners less miserable – that’s good going. I almost couldn’t go to this as I was convinced I had tickets for the Saturday show. The Apollo’s new policy of not sending me the tickets, instead making me pick them up places a pretty taxing administrative burden on someone for whom simple admin is now a nightmare. I was saved after someone from the Apollo actually called me on Friday afternoon to helpfully let me know I had tickets to see Millican that night. I was utterly thrown but luckily my mum had walked in the door that second and announced that she could take me. Luckily I knew Millican wasn’t a filthy, foul-mouthed comedian so I judged I wouldn’t be squirming too much, same when mum had stepped in to take me to Chris Addison in Epsom a couple of years ago, surprisingly the bit where he had called the Pope a c*nt hadn’t been too bad (not that she’s a catholic it’s just that ladies of a certain age don’t react too well to the c bomb no matter how much sense the context makes). So it was obviously a shame I couldn’t go on Saturday with my no-nonsense former carer Bianca but Mum rode to the rescue.



I think we needed a laugh, I know I did. Life ain’t easy but I hope I’m an example of getting on with it.
Just a heads-up, my scan which has been worrying me has been moved. I am going into hospital on the 15th April and undergoing the procedure on the morning of the 16th . This is just a straightforward angiobrainscan to have a look at the avm that caused my stroke. The bit I’m nervous about is that this is under general anaesthetic, and I struggled to come round from one in July 2011. The last time I had this procedure in 2006 I got MRSA –Good Times. Sorry about this rubbish last bit. There’s just no good way of putting in a bit that sounds like a ‘church notice’. Ok, it may feel like stay of execution now but in a few months it’ll have been worth doing.

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