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1 Aug 2012
Post 356: The disabled don’t have a monopoly on complaining
The disabled not having a monopoly on complaining...
This was a statement written by a friend of mine in response to one of my blog posts last year where I think the general gist of the post had been to tell anyone reading (so not many) to only complain if they’ve got a good reason.[we’ve just won a gold so no-one’ll give a f*ck about this]
I realise now that people complain even when there’s precisely nothing they can do about it, ie as much as I try to accept feeling like this (possibly forever, I have it on good authority that no-one has a f*cking clue), I won’t accept it, because no-one should have to feel like this, it is a daily affront.
Sometimes people complain regardless of whether it affects them or something they care about. Like a fool with too much time to think, I delve (in my head) into the motives of why people care about some things or care about some people – I know why I care about people/ I know why I care about Things. I am about as single minded about things and people for several reasons (not as oxymoronic as it sounds). I am utterly single-minded about trying to improve this shitty situation. I hope this doesn’t sound selfish, but I am convinced first and foremost that any physical/mental improvements I make will yield a tenfold (Maybe more)improvement for the poor folk who have to put up with me. It is a similar sort of mindset that army captains used to use in wartime. ‘For every soldier that dies under their command they have saved the lives of 10 others. Even though it’s in ‘Saving Private Ryan’
it’s also true. It’s not an exact science but it helps me believe I’m doing this for much more than myself even though I’ve had a few therapists tell me ‘You need to do more for yourself’ – I can sort of understand this but selfish motivations have never really floated my boat, if I’ve ever been Selfish it’s because I’ve been impatient.
Speaking of impatient, it has been one of those weeks where the only thing happening is Carlie’s Funeral on Friday which I’m dreading. Most of the funerals I’ve been to in my life have been for older people who had the chance to lead pretty full lives. She was in her late 20s. I may not have ever known her except for the brave tetraplegic girl I met in hospital but she was important.
So a funeral is the only thing I’ve got on. Hardly something to look forward to plus my lifeblood of seeing people or hearing from them is seriously low. Fine, I understand that people are busy, but no-one is too busy to send me an email just telling me what’s been going on or how they are – receiving a long email from someone makes so much difference, not getting anything makes me think that people are making a conscious decision not to write – the Olympics are really not that good, and I’m really not that bad! Olympic fever was never going to infect me. I’m immune to hype and even though I’m a purveyor of the finest bullshit known to man all I think these games will stand for is disappointment and Mediocrity. They should replace ‘ London 2012: Inspire a generation’ with ‘London 2012: We’re Sorry’. If you think that’s a bit defeatist and negative. It is, deal with it. Someone told me that they’d only bother trying to deal with their Road rage if I did more to deal with ‘my bloody tiredness’. THAT’S FAIR. I think I was so upset for the rest of the journey I couldn’t speak! It’s a combination of a week with nothing and having an uncertain future that has made this a sh*t week so far, that and two medical procedures that are worrying the hell out of me:
1. My Gall Bladder removal in mid August
2. More Gamma-Knife Radiosurgery on the weakness in my brainstem in late September/early October. As far as I’m concerned the only good thing to come out of the Olympic games (apart from the Opening Ceremony Fireworks has been the beautiful lithe figure of Zara Dampney
(team GB beach Volleyball). I can barely follow the ball but for some reason it is compelling viewing – the only worthwhile spectacle to appear on Horseguards
since the trooping of the colour,
I think my type has always been long slender leggy types. Imagine the Homo-erotic volleyball scene in Top Gun
but with beautiful ladies instead of Tom ‘wierdo scientologist’ Cruise and Val ‘don’t look me in the eye’ Kilmer. Zara will be a household name after the games (it’s what I call the Pippa Middleton effect),
a national treasure if GB win gold, which on the evidence of their pasting by the Italians, looks unlikely. I know judging people on what they look like is supposedly wrong on so many levels, and it has got me in trouble because apparently it makes me ‘shallow and judgemental’ but I think it makes me ‘normal’, think about it this way, how many ‘looks challenged’ people have been picked up in a bar/pub/club because the more attractive person has thought, ‘let’s take a chance that they’re an interesting and nice person. It’s for that reason I probably write this blog and will do anything I can for my friends. I want to be Dom, the interesting, funny, popular guy with a harmless magpie-like eye for pretty things. At least online they are given more of a chance to reject you based on some evidence!
I guess the real mettle of Zara Dampney will be decided after the Olympics. If she is immediately papped on the arm of a footballer
we can surmise she’s not a very nice person. I reserve the right to continue indefinitely my negative Stereotype of professional footballers. Most of them appear to be b*stards.
There seems to be little evidence coming through to suggest otherwise.
So, I guess, today’s message is do get in touch, it makes such a difference.