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21 Oct 2012

Post 372: Bye Bye Miss American Pie


A long long time ago
I can still remember how
That music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But February made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
**The day the music died**

The words of this first verse are a sort of rhetorical allegory for the last seven years, but February is the wrong month (very few people genuinely like February though (besides those with birthdays and those good-looking enough to get loads of Valentine’s day cards and gifts) but these days February does make me shiver and I’m sure as hell not delivering any papers or getting valentines!
‘I couldn't take one more step’ is also oddly prophetic
Now, I promised myself near(ish) the beginning of this nonsense (this whole blog) that I wouldn’t pretentiously pull apart song lyrics because it’s not a terribly interesting thing to do. For starters so many bo-ho chinscratchers

have already had a go and I file them under ‘hipster’ and I tend not to be frightfully complimentary to those feckless w*nkers. I think built into the human psyche is this innate capacity to find a certain lot (or lots) of people abhorrent. Hipsters are (1) and (2) are ignorant b*stards and people with little awareness and self respect that they are letting the side down(lets call them Chavs, they’re a good example)(and the side in question would be humanity) are definitely circles on the Venn diagram.

There are almost certainly others . People who profess to love everybody are probably another circle, they are just weird and are probably in a some sort of cult! I’m digressing, back to music, I think there is a lot more value and talent in the actual music than the Lyrics. Up yours Kanye, you’re no genius, you’re some sort of socio-narcissist!

To be honest It’s not something I lose sleep over. I lose sleep over all manner of things these days which is somewhat ironic given how tired I am) and the sheer volume of nonsense put to music to me means ‘by all means sing along’ and not a lot else but for heavens sakes conspiracies about hidden meanings are almost always a load of old bollox. I also happen to think this about most conspiracy theories, simply because people can’t be bothered and are too busy trying to survive their own lives and worry about their friends and families. The downside of any conspiracy being uncovered is so great that it’s simply not worth the time, stress, or effort in the first place, think about it! I mean, one person can just about conceal a lie, I personally can’t take the stress, I’m a lousy liar so I don’t do it, it’s quite simple. Concealing a lie between two people is nigh impossible. I am especially irritated by perceived political conspiracies peddled by champagne socialists, left-wing intellectuals and politically correct thugs who trawl the internet telling people off, that they’re bigots/racists/homophobes or peddle ‘lazy stereotypes’. Please why can’t these people just shut up and f*ck off. Probably the reason I’m so tetchy is I got up early on Friday so I could ring the Dome disabled booking line to try and get tickets for what I can only imagine is my last chance to see ‘The Rolling Stones’

live while they or I am still alive. Well, as you can guess it didn’t go well! I rather admire the Rolling Stones as this older post shows but I don’t half go on!
Firstly, (when I called) it said there was a ‘fault’ and then an automated voice told me the phones were ‘particularly’ busy. Not for the first time, particularly in the last seven years, I was crestfallen, wheelchair spaces sell-out even more quickly than regular seats it appears, these tenacious disabled b*stards!
I get the impression that the Dome are even taking the piss when they sent me this reply to a panic mail I sent them about their phones. This was their reply:

Thank you for your email, I am sorry you are having trouble getting through if you haven't booked already we still have availability on level 1 row Z priced at £406.00 if you still wanted to book call the number

I can hardly afford to go to things in the first place but only lottery winners or premier league footballers could afford that, and that’s in row Z! I give up! I hate saying that because my many naysayers who think I’ve got it easy then take it out of context. All I’m trying to do now is survive my own pisspoor life by being honest, by being generous and kind to people who help me survive, I hope I’m not too much of a misery – it’s difficult always trying to put on a happy face when the things that should make you happy just make you tired. I really hate saying that, but sadly it’s true!
So, that was Friday, it’s now Sunday, and once again I find myself owing my very survival to someone and not for the first time (and I hope not the last), it is to my new friend Isabel. She lives relatively close to Oxshott and she has taken up the slack when my housekeepers are visiting someone more entertaining than me (so let’s face it, anyone!) – it is quite good the way that Gary just calls her.
Isabel came and cooked a Portuguese speciality round here with her 13 year-old son Kevin and 6ish year old daughter Lara on Saturday evening

and Isabel came and did my morning routine this morning. We all get along fine. Kevin is a bit of a cheeky chappie with an answer to most things and Lara may look like butter wouldn’t melt but poor Isabel! Makes me respect her even more! Now, Isabel is ridiculously modest, and objects to this praise but a saint is what she is. She just took me for Sunday Lunch at her house with her kids and I’m starting to understand why she has been such a good Samaritan – namely because I give her a bit of ‘sanity time’ – she is a great friend and I genuinely hope her kids don’t think I’m some ‘wheelchair bound weirdo’ who looks and sounds a bit funny. Isabel is a chef (among many many things) so I think the food I get from her is amazing but I clearly have no identification with her kids when they say ‘I don’t like it’ when they find a herb crust on their roast beef. It takes a lot of wherewithal for me not to snap ‘just f*cking eat it’! I’ve got a lot to learn. My observation is that Children and well treated pets are similar, they don’t realise how lucky they are! They’re ingrates and that’s not on – when they do pay you back it’s often ’too little too late’. I was a little horrified last night after Kevin put ‘Family Guy’ on while Isa was cooking me supper. It is amusing but some of the political references were even over my head but Kevin and Lara were merrily chuckling along even to the bit where Fox News were trying to discredit Michael Moore, but decided to stop when his gay lover was found to be Rush Limbaugh.
I buy into the philosophy that you should always have one thing between you and the inevitable impending blackness [part of comedian Daniel Kitson’s philosophy of life that I actually agree with] and my attempt at that this week was going to a Gala to celebrate the 80th birthday of Film Music Demigod John Williams.

If we’re to look at human beings who’ve routed neurons he’s gotta be top 5! I’d bet there are few civilized people that don’t in some way think of the chords from Jaws before going for a swim in the sea or imagine the deathstar without a brass section or Indiana Jones without his theme. I’d challenge anyone who’s seen a tv and I’d be confident that something by him’d be in there somewhere. Anyway because I can’t physically enjoy things anymore, it is for the people who take me to enjoy it, so after my friend who was supposed to take me couldn’t, I asked Brian (the genius who makes things for my wheelchair and then doesn’t rip me off) who told me his son, Tas was a big fan so I took them and I think they thought it was wonderful. The Albert Hall was a sellout and our seats were brilliant!

You can’t tell from this picture, which I felt lucky to have taken (because the obergruppenfuhrer usher is clearly incentivised to stop people taking pictures despite the fact that the ticket price should make him our employee!) but we were feet from the Kettle – drummer

who must love this night (I’d go as far as saying this must be the biggest and best night of his life, The only thing that might top it is getting back to his dressing room and finding two naked supermodels waiting for him) because literally every piece of Williams music finishes with some manner of full volume kettle drum bashing!) I remember how exhilarating it was in a chamber Orchestra when as a third clarinettist I had a chance to be heard!
I’m sure you wished I’d finished – well not quite – big thanks to my good friend Richard ‘the Guerilla Vicar’ Lloyd who took me for lunch on Tuesday and Jackie and Selwyn,

who popped in on the way to the airport to their retirement home in Portugal. I had no idea they were coming so I talked to them as I did my 2nd training session of the week with Jose. I’m actually quite happy that people get to see the Hell I have to put myself through

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