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4 Dec 2012
Post 369: Elbowed in the face!
I don’t think anyone looks forward to Monday mornings but I guess the one thing I do look forward to is comment on this. In the almost 5 years I’ve been writing it I’ve received some uplifting emails that have really spurred me on. Judge for yourself whether I enjoyed the mail below which I strongly suspect is from a horrible lady who used to be my housekeeper/carer, I can’t prove it but there are certain turns of phrase that have the ring of familiarity and there’s only one person who’s ever spoken to me like that, it came from this address email@example.com (a non-existent person evidently –showing real guts there) we fell out in quite a big way: I concluded a few things:
1. I believe it was sent by a lady whose name I won’t mention because I’m hardly the FBI.
2. It can’t be the thieving Bangladeshis who used to live here because it’s not written in the illiterate style they had.
3. That it is almost impossible for a friendship to be enough to let anyone look after someone who by their age alone, should be able to look after themself. I could almost feel her resentment growing as she didn’t feel free rent and bills covered what she was supposed to be doing (I estimate rent and bills (including utilities, broadband and council tax are worth £600 a week, my current housekeepers value it significantly higher, they take it seriously and appear to be grown-ups)), she never looked for a dayjob because she might lose her sickness benefits, not that it stopped her smoking, drinking or walking around like a normal person. She was too busy playing Warcraft and Sims to do what most long-term sick people try to do, they eat a good diet and exercise to get better. Anyway judge for yourself how I felt after reading this, there is genuine nastiness that I really didn’t think anyone could vocalise, there are also some unpleasant truths in amongst the repellent rant:
FOR FUCKS SAKE DOM
YOU NEED TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE
YOU THINK PEOPLE DON'T READ/RESPOND TO YOUR BLOG BECAUSE THEY'RE BORED OF THE GIG REPORTS !!!!!!
NO - THEY DON'T RESPOND TO IT BECAUSE LIKE ME THEY RARELY READ IT THESE DAYS, BECAUSE DESPITE PROTESTS TO THE CONTRARY ALL YOU EVER FUCKING DO IS MOAN
AND GIVE US THE WOE IS ME TREATMENT. YOU CLAIM TO WANT TO THANK PEOPLE THAT HELP YOU, EVEN THAT YOU USE AS A BACKHANDED SWIPE AT PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN TO SEE
AND GIVE IT THE MANIPULATIVE GUILT TRIP OF "OH I KNOW PEOPLE WITH A REAL LIFE HAVE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO" YOU KNOW WHAT - YES WE HAVE,
BUT STILL WE COME TO SEE YOU WHEN WE CAN, THEN WHEN WE DO MAKE THE EFFORT IT'S A FUCKING MIRACLE IF YOU CAN TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM YOUR BLOODY COMPUTER TO TALK FACE TO FACE !!!!!!
PEOPLE WHO TAKE YOU TO GIGS - YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE SOME SORT OF CRITERIA THERE AS TO WHO GETS INVITED AND ALSO WHO GETS A PHOTO PRINTED IN YOUR PRECIOUS BLOG.
THEN THERES THE OLD ME / NEW ME WHINGE, NEW? NEW? FOR FUCK SAKE ITS NOT NEW, SEVEN YEARS !!!!!!! MOVE ON, FIND A MODICUM OF ACCEPTANCE. BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE GOT,
YOUR FINANCIAL SECURITY FOR ONE HUGE THING - I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU COPE ON DLA, LIVING IN SPECIAL HOUSING WITH CARERS COMING IN TWICE A DAY AND NO PRIVATE PHYSIO
AND OF COURSE NO TWICE WEEKLY PLUS GIGS - YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LUCKY YOU ARE. AS FOR GIRLFRIENDS, HOW'S A WOMAN SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE, WHEN YOU CAN'T ACCEPT YOURSELF
STRAP ON A PAIR PARDEY - IT COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER, BUT ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE IT
Quite the most unpleasant thing I have ever received. I am ashamed that I ever knew anyone like that! Still, to admit it’s upset me will be letting her win, what does upset me on a daily basis is the way she has wheedled her way into my brothers life. Since storming out of here last March she has been sponging off my brother. I hope that her doing this will make him realise how unpleasant she is.
It is true I feel a bit sorry for myself but I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t after seeing their life flushed down the loo. I was a happy, independent 28 year old man. I’m now a 35 year old with nothing to look forward to except perpetual exhaustion. nothing but my friends and a strong desire to not be a dull, obese, chair-bound cripple. Day to day living is pretty close to unbearable and now this. I get quite a few nice messages that get me through the week, I wish sh*t like this was ‘water off a duck’s back’ but it isn’t. And for her information, I ask people to take me to gigs who I think will enjoy it and can be relied on. I like to take a picture for posterity and put it on the blog because pictures or videos lighten and colour this ‘laugh a minute’ tome plus I take people who don’t scowl at the camera and mutter under their breath ‘I wish everyone was dead’ one of her more charming attributes that you had kept hidden before you wheedled your way in here, please go and crawl back under the rock you came from you nasty oxygen thief. This is hardly ‘Hello!’ magazine, as you’ve probably noticed.
Anyway, for rightly or wrongly this bit of car crash tv has happened. At least I didn’t start the chain of events that set things in motion. With any luck this’ll be the end of it. This is blatantly not what this blog is about. I’d rather focus on the good news. I had tickets for a sold out show last Sunday but the friend who was taking me has quite rightly flown half way around the world to be at her sick Grandfather’s bedside. On reading last weeks blog , my friend Brian, the genius who makes things for my wheelchair emailed me and offered to drive me to the Dome – with his wife Rosie
who’s an Elbow fan. I think my exact response was ‘f*ck it, lets do it’ because the minute I stop taking people up on their generosity and start giving in to my fatigue is the beginning of the end! I’m so glad we went! As this was the first time Rosie had seen the Dome as the arena, and Elbow were ace I couldn’t resist commenting ‘a bad habit’ on a review Rosie sent me ‘I thought it was rather good - Garvey was a great compère - you got that right, and he can sing a bit. Elbow are the journeymen of alt rock. Good sing-along stuff. It being sold out on a Sunday proves there is a lot of love for the melancholy ballad. That's why Keane were great on friday. I've been to the Dome a lot as being in a wheelchair it's a good venue - I've learned that ballad bands do pretty well if they do a lot of walking if the staging is in the middle whereas epic production heavy gigs like Muse do well if the stage is at one end. well, that's my opinion fwiw.’ Probably the only time I'd ever go on 'the Guardian' website!