2 Jun 2013

Post 399: Despite planning stuff, isn’t it difficult staying interested?

I’m sure there are those who think this is just one joyless moan? Luckily, I don’t quite think everyone thinks it is. I do try and write about what joy I do manage, after all – we should all be trying to live life through joyful moments and do our best to try and share them. Life is all about sharing joy isn’t it? There is nothing better than bringing joy to someone else. Forget how cheesy that sounds – it really is as simple as that. It is the Tuesday after a bank holiday, it is 3 days till June and f*cking ten degrees. The old me might have uttered a cursory profanity and broken into a jog but there’s nothing cursory about the disappointment I’m feeling now. Granted, the sun did shine over the bank holiday weekend so I am pleased we got to share that (at the very least) but I can assure you I’d rather have a job, office, colleagues and a real life to go back to on this delightful Tuesday. I am seriously saying I miss working. I know it sounds mental but I have said before that one of the primary functions of work is that we’re sociable creatures but on our own terms – Offices, yes; shopping centres; are you mad?
It’s now Thursday and I’m trying to work out what to do with the rest of my life. It’s a slightly profound question. So before pondering eternity, I thought I’d try and get my house in order. More or less, my fulltime existence is planning my events calendar around my therapy and rest times. A sort of peripheral for a normal, healthy person, a fulltime job for a disabled one. What have I booked, who have I asked, who’s actually taking me, where are the tickets, where do we park, How do we get there? Now granted, a person with normal energy and normal eyesight might find this a bit of a wrestle but they’d just do it. The fact I find it verging on impossible is understating it comically! Especially as most venues seem to be chopping out costs left, right and centre whilst increasing their booking fees. 4 years ago you’d usually be sent paper tickets, which would give upcoming events a bit of tangibility, plus you could file the buggers. Now a few places email tickets for some things, expect you to pick them up or do actually send them in the post, or even less helpfully, a combination of all three and the onus is on you to know what’s going on. F*ck, I’m boring myself even writing this. I guess my point is even a professional administrator (I know they exist) would struggle. Now, this is big business, there’s clearly an enormous secondary market in these things –we’ve all been to events where a terrifying man will say ‘anyone need tickets, buy or sell?’, he’ll buy any spares for a fiver or sell you one for a ton – it is twilight robbery, and these guys don’t have necks!
Some venues send you a four page form to fill out and an email address to send scanned documents to prove you’re disabled. Doing this does me in. I can’t believe there are people out there pikey enough to stoop that low and pretend they’re disabled! Disability – Not having a neck and speaking in aggressive cockney is not a disability, at least not officially! Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that this isn’t a piece of piss – I can imagine there are a few people who don’t give a f*ck, or even hate me for mentioning it – well shame, bye then – don’t let the door hit you on your way out.
I’ve had a visit from my counsellor, Cathy, today, she helps me not be all over the place (which I usually am) and concentrate on the things I should be concentrating on, when you’re an energetic young turk, you can afford to be doing a million and one things – just doing that one thing can now be difficult and it is helpful to have someone on your side who can remind you what you said you thought you were supposed to be doing.
She has also counselled me into believing that there are people in this world who might be interested in helping, maybe even caring about and looking after someone like me. ’Counselled me into believing’ is a good effort but a long way from convincing me.
I suppose this week’s joy has been in the form of going to a couple of massive concerts, firstly, the glorious Muse, the 5th time I’ve seen them since 2008, another epic, sprawling, massive, production heavy event at Arsenal’s relatively new North London home, The Emirates Stadium. Obviously seeing a band do a stadium gig is a spectacle, which is probably my main reason for going and as usual Muse (3 lads from the West Country) were pretty awesome my only criticism (there’s always something!) was the choice of Dizzee Rascal as warm up act! I thought for the Olympic opening ceremony he was pretty good, the fact he was told not to swear, and his rendition of ‘Bonkerz’ was entertaining, at the least it fitted the mood, here’s what I wrote on youtube to go with this video of him trying to ‘warm up’ the crowd on Sunday

Some people love Dizzee, I don't. As a general rule I dislike Hip-hop artists that just seem to shout over a snythesized backing beat, at least Chase and Status have an actual drummer. All Dizzee seems to do is tell the crowd to 'jump' and 'make some f*cking noise'. He is a moron with as little right to be warming up a Muse gig as JZ had warming up Coldplay when they played Wembley a few years ago
I still think he’s a moron, after telling Jeremy Paxman ‘that Hip-Hop had a lot to do with Obama getting elected’. I’m not a fan of Paxman’s belicose style but it’s the first time I’ve really seem him lost for words! My hero and compatriot for the evening was my mate Oli who loves Muse and says he enjoys taking me out, I do apologise for being a bit ‘lairy’ when Dizzee was on, so that’s what a hip-flask of Cherry brandy does. I guess that’s not really a surprise. That’s the end of that experiment! Anyway, that aside, it was a pretty decent evening even if the drive to the Emirates is speedbump hell and London roads are a disgrace. Sometimes it feels like you’re driving on a dirt road through the desert!
Thinking about it, the journey to anything is often one of my biggest considerations, and it’s getting to the stage where fear of the journey almost dissuades me from bothering going to an event. Yet another thing to file under ‘this is no bloody good’ –It’s a thick file.
Luckily it was a warm and pleasant bank holiday weekend which allowed my friend Isabel, her little daughter Lara and I to go to a Foodies Fair up the road across from Hampton Court. An event 100% reliant on decent weather. It was actually quite pleasant but I couldn’t help thinking ‘only because it’s a nice day . There’d be no-one here if it were cold and miserable’. Another challenging event with difficult terrain and lots of people that I’m glad I managed to do. Isabel is such a little terrier!
I need people like her to suggest things. Speaking of which an old mate of mine (I made the ‘old’ joke back then, I’m sure he’s still not laughing) legend Marc French, when he had helped out a few weeks ago, I’d suggested a comedy event, he’d countered with, ‘shall we go to the IMAX first?’ seeing as the comedy was in a tent on the South Bank. Now, I’d never been to an IMAX – which is basically a cinema on steroids in 3D, probably with similarly inflated prices, cheers for the ticket Frenchie! We had opted to see the new Star Trek movie, which takes the Star Trek formula, takes all the camp out of it, the crap uniforms, monsters made out of rubber and Styrofoam and basically gives it the Matrix special effects treatment, I mean, it almost looks like the same movie poster. Everything about the IMAX experience is just ‘BIGGER’. The Screen is about 5 storeys high and there are approximately 1 million speakers (probably). It was a pretty immersive experience. Despite wearing the 3D glasses, my eyesight is too screwed to see the 3D, interestingly though, the 3D glasses stop it being blurred, another question neurologists won’t be able to answer. The Villain was Benedict Cumberbatch or as I choose to call him Cumberdick Bendybatch. An interesting choice, I tend to think of him as ‘period drama’. I’ll bet when his acting career began, the thought of ever playing a genetically engineered Star Trek supervillian was a strange new world he hadn’t boldly even thought about.
Anyway, a superb idea from Frenchie – we decided that red wine, pipe and slippers is where we are now after our respective forays into playing electronic music all those years ago. He did it properly, I was just a muppet! Frenchie is a gent for helping me out, we certainly laughed our socks off seeing Irish Comedian Andrew Maxwell at the E4 Underbelly Comedy Festival afterwards. Maxwell’s observation ‘How could one man in the 70s eclipse the work of the entire Catholic church?’ was darkly hilarious.
This just doesn’t stop – it’s now Saturday 1st June and I’m off later to see 90s Punk Rockers Green Day at the Emirates, and no, I didn’t think like I do now that perhaps, just perhaps, I might be overdoing things a bit. It was pretty good and obviously reminded me of going to see them at Wembley 3 years ago and reminded me of the lovely Christina, a girl who pre-stroke would have probably been on the level but who soon realised how much better she could do, the story of post-stroke life really. Anyway, I’ll stop that and just say I thought they were better this time simply based on what they played. Stuff like this Whereas three years ago I think they’d fallen into the trap of playing ‘new material’ FAIL, nobody cares – we’re not chinscratching hipster c*nts! I was right about remembering how ghastly the journey was, these were my youtube thoughts:
Despite not having the greatest seats this was still quite a gig. Green day do punk without the nihilism which is a big hit in my book. Major chords, melodic tunes, energy and smiles. Billie- Joe Armstrong has a great voice and behaves like he's having the time of his life which is what inspires people. Not 100% convinced by the Emirates as a concert venue. I suppose a stadium is a stadium
Thanks to mate and regular concert-goer Graham for putting up with me not being the most talkative person when I’m exhausted.
Seeing as we’re on bands that had the audacity to play new material 3 years ago, I’d also been to see Depeche Mode on the Wednesday who looked like this
They were 100 times better tonight[29/5/13] than they had been in December 09, playing most of their old good stuff. It was like Gay Pride this time (always a positive for atmos) and they kept 'new' material to a minimum which they didn't do last time.
Big thanks to Christian and Terri ‘the Cheds’ for taking me and bonus points for the amusing facebook chat I had with Terri the next day: ‘I think my heart belongs to Dave Gahan[Depeche Mode lead singer]she said ‘I don’t think he likes girls in that way’ I said
Forget all that – what it’s all about is people coming to see me, firstly, there was Mr Firth, a veritable encyclopaedia on Rock Music which is a big help considering I go to all these gigs, I know f*ck-all.
And last but not least my best mate Tony who dropped in after golf. It must be golf season and the weather is good because golf gets Tony to make the trek from North London all the way out to the sticks where living in a wheelchair is just possible. Oh f*ck, I’ve gone on again.


Exiled_Angel said...

I quite agree that the wide variety of ticket delivery these days gets confusing. We don't have a printer, and manys the time we've been caught out, last second, realising we haven't a clue where paper/e-tickets are located.

Also, love Dizzie Rascal, and bounced like a loon when he warmed up for Red Hot Chili Peppers last year at Knebworth. Granted, the rest of the crowd looked really confused....

Dom P said...


It's nice to know someone reads this even if it's you ;)

4C1R said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dom P said...

I'd love to know who this is?

But I do hear you and appreciate you taking the time to have written this. Excellent use of insulting language. I consider myself an expert.

First thing, it would only be November through February as that is when it is grimmest here and I can't handle the cold.

Second - I wouldn't even consider this if I didn't have somewhere to go and have a carer in mind. As it is a friend of mine's Mum lives in a guesthouse out there called The Casa del Finestra, apparently it's paradise. They don't have guests during the Winter so I could stay in the ground floor studio flat as it's accessible and Trix (the housekeeper who also does caring is quite up for giving it a try).Several people have said that my pension should go further and I have made it clear to Trix that I expect to pay my way for board and lodging etc....

I WILL DEFINITELY BE KEEPING ON (Sorry capslock) Gary and Gwen in England. If anything this is going to be a much needed rest from me. They can stay here if they want or use the time to go on holiday so we don't have another month when they go away.

Rich (the Ryanair pilot) is just a good contact to have out there. Seeing him more regularly will be a laugh. Obviously, I will miss people but I think people batten down the hatches in the winter. I'd rather be lonely where it's warm and beautiful. If people do want to visit it will be a winter break for them. As for gigs, I'll just have to go without. I'll have to concentrate on having a full Summer diary.
I've said I'll need to try and replicate things like internet capability, Sky,Physiotherapy etc. - Trix reckons it's possible and I trust her. There are bound to be bumps in the road - there were here. I'm satisfied it's worth a try. It would be insane going out there cold. I'm not that a daft a dick ;p
I need to break things up, get busy living or get busy dying. I wish I could explain how much I need a change (well, I probably do actually)

4C1R said...

Dear Dom,

You don't know me; I'm just an old biddy from America who recently read all your posts. I had a stroke too and I might have accidentally skipped some posts or misunderstood.

I apologize for being insulting in my (now deleted) comment -- I rewrote it repeatedly, trying to express my concern without being rude or insulting, so I must have failed miserably. I'll blame it on my own brain damage and withdrawal from antidepressants.

Thanks for explaining your winter plans; I'm glad to hear that you have it covered and that my concerns were unwarranted. I won't stay awake worrying about you now. I hope you find the change you crave and some peace and joy. Congrats on choosing to "get busy living."

Mary Wilson said...

I am happy as Dr. Benson sensitive treatment of Stroke which has paralyzed my husband touched me deeply. my Husband have suffered from Stroke for twenty years after he have gone through many treatments and I have just figured out a Doctor. which help him live a safer and less painful life after my family Doctor has said there was no cure to his Paralyzed left side of the body. Don't ever lose hope. I am 41 and a mother of one now , Sure, it has been challenging, and there have been many ups and downs, but I went to internet got Dr. Benson contact I contacted him and he sent me the permanent cure to it,which My Husband used for one month. and now he is having pretty normal life now. This is not the end of the world if you having any body with Stroke he can help you. The medication it taste natural. And most of all, I want to tell you that you need to learn to love yourself just the way you are- you are a special person that deserves love. Never never never give up!!!!
Contact Dr Benson on

Mariah Bush said...

My Husband once suffered from stroke for eight years, that affects the arteries leading to and within the brain,he could not move his left hand and leg, and it was always shaking. we have gone different palaces without any solution, I have contacted different doctors, And he has used different medication, then we found a doctor from Canada, and I contacted him about my husband issue. He sent us his medication which my husband took for two months, during the period of him taking it, he started regaining back his fitness, and his heart beat became normal, and all the blood vessel start working very happy for my husband.
You can contact the doctor on

Jane Bush said...

. Is my pleasure to comment on this site and i thank the admin of this site for his/her great work so far. I really don’t know how to thank DR Johnson for helping me get cured for over 20 year of suffering from a terrible Stroke,he could not move IS left side of the body, his Diabetes started when he was 48 year i thought is going to end one day but even get worse as days went by,i have tried all western drugs prescribed by doctors but to no avail i lost total concentration,I came across DR Johnson contact through a headline news on internet about how DR Johnson have help so many people to get cured of Stroke, Hernia and Diabetes and so many other with similar body problem I contacted him and he told me how to get his herb,few day later he sent me the herbal portion which my husband take every morning for 21 days, and his medicine was able to restore my Husband back to normal and now he his very okay without any side effects whatsoever If you have Stroke, you can contact him on his email address
Or Text through Whats-App on +16316206721 for help.

Jane Bush said...

. Is my pleasure to comment on this site and i thank the admin of this site
for his/her great work so far. I really don’t know how to thank DR Johnson
for helping me my Husband cured for over 20 year of suffering from a
terrible Stroke, His Stroke started when He was 49 year i thought is going
to end one day but even get worse as days went by,i have tried all western
drugs prescribed by doctors but to no avail i lost total concentration,I
came across DR Johnson contact through a headline news on internet about
how DR Johnson have help so many people to get cured of tinnitus and so
many other with similar body problem I contacted him and he told me how to
get his herb,few day later he sent me the herbal portion which he take
every morning for 21 days, and his medicine was able to restore me back to
normal and now am very okay without any side effects whatsoever If you have
Stroke, you can contact him on his email address
Or Text through Whats-App on +16316206721

Jessical Alba said...

As a sign of gratitude for how my husband was saved from stroke , i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
My husband was diagnosed of stroke and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, he had difficult speaking , and he always complain of muscle weakness and balance disorder . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to stroke . I never imagine stroke has a cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my husband will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my husband used it and in one months he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. stroke has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony


ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR THE GREAT DEED HE HAVE DON FOR MY FAMILY.This information will be useful for Epilepsy and stroke patients who is willing to use herbal medicine. My daughter had temporal lobe epilepsy, She had seizure and had a grand mal with rage episode. Our daughter's seizure is constant throughout the day. We had used several medicine which include: Epilim and Keppra, experience seizure control at the cost of serious debilitating side effects. It was during a casual conversation with a friend that I learned about herbal Dr. William on how he help her cure his son from stroke and so many others with different illness,his medicine does not have any side effect.after my daughter have finish taking dr williams medicine I am glad to say that he has been seizure-free since July 2015 after taking William medicine. this a miracle cure?contact him for more detail ( .
thanks once again admin for such an informative blog.

David Cromwell said...

Nice post! Thank for sharing this information..
Stroke is a disease caused by a brain stain that results in paralysis, coma or unconsciousness, blindness and other problems that affect the mind and body.
Common symptoms of stroke are:
- Numbness or weakness in the hands or feet
- Sudden blindness
- It's hard to speak properly
The next symptom is arm weakness.
To know whether the patient has arm weakness, he will be asked to raise both arms and when one arm drifts downward, then he is positive for the second symptom.

David Cromwell MD



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